Revenge of the Idiot Box

I once again assume the position on my sofa and indulge in my nightly diet of murder and mayhem. I like murder and mayhem. It's fun to watch. Tortured cops/feds/law-enforcement officers struggling to make right the wrongs of the dubious.

As always the ad breaks are an opportunity for a crafty one, or another cuppa. But mostly, I sit there, brain decomposing until the fun starts again. However, there are occasions where ads are so hideous I'm driven to projectile vomiting.

The Halifax
Halifax office monkeys in a breakfast show radio format, high 5 themselves to the soundtrack to Spandau Ballet's Gold, an acknowledged cheesey tune even at the height of their success. The Halifax does have a reputation to uphold; after all they gave us Howard and then an animated Howard after he became too expensive (one assumes they didn't kill him and stash him under the patio slabs to save paying him). Given the high bar they previously set themselves, they have outdone themselves on pure annoyance factors.

I am not a morning person. I loathe morning radio. This immediately got my back up. And coupled with the self-congratulatory high 5s, smug grins and cheesey music, yes I do want to commit murder. And no, I'm not going to open a current account with them. Just because of that ad.

Tena Lady
I didn't realise female incontinence was such a problem. None of my female friends have ever complained of suffering from it and we over-share everything. Plus, none of them ever smells of anything other than posh perfume. Perhaps they've been using Tena Lady on the sly?

I'm not bothered about her striking eyes or her sassy salsa moves. Should the time ever come when I need said products, I can't see myself skiing, or on a swing, or painting some random bloke's toenails.

PS. I don't have a happy period either.

Comments

  1. i FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME ABOUT THE hALIFAX ADVERT. lAST NIGHT i GOT UP WTICE AND MADE UNNECESSARY TRIPS TO THE KITCHEN JUST TO AVOID LISTENING TO IT.

    [Sorry caps locks on and I hadn't noticed. You don't want me to re-type that, do you?]

    When adverts for 'ladies products' come on I just avert my eyes.

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  2. dave ~ that's alright, I'll live with you shouting at me.

    Don't blame you about the ladies products either.

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  3. *whispers* sorry.

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  4. This may make you feel a bit better about Halifax.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't stand the advert with the 4 'Sex in the City' type girls talk about not being able to poo, hard poo and have pills in their handbags. Its so bloody annoying and always in the middle of my australian soaps.

    Have to admit I like morning radio though - I'm a massive Chris Moyles fan - he is so horrible in a kinda amusing sort of way - and (a terrible truth coming from me now) a bit sexy too. Not as much as Richard Hammond but...

    Sometimes I laugh so much on the way to work I can't see where I am going.

    Halifax advert is just poo, poo, poo - couldn't we write better????

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  6. The Halifax advert makes me want to punch something. And what's with that bit with the guy pretending to be in a space station? Moron TV!

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  7. dave ~ no problem. I'll let you, just this once.

    rog ~ actually, it helped. A lot. Thanks for that.

    moggie ~ yes, I remember you saying before. No, you still can't sell breakfast radio to me. But good try.

    curious ~ perhaps I should ask for the name of his drug dealer. Though thinking about it, perhaps not. I would want to run the risk of ending up like that.

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  8. I love you and since we do over-share .... there's a reason you can only smell posh perfume from me ;)

    How much do I miss TV?

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  9. hottie ~ ah Grasshopper I have trained you well.

    mago ~ funnily enough...it doesn't help. But thanks for trying anyway.

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  10. the tena advert is not watertight.
    it was leaked to the media before it's release by a wet executive who couldn't hack it any more.
    first time i saw it i nearly pissed myself.
    etc etc etc

    best bit is when she runs down the stairs in that red top and her friends applaud her.
    or is that special K?

    A

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  11. We have those hideous Tena Lady ads too.

    To me though, the worst are the Danone (Danonino) and this local mobile carrier.

    They both send me into a blind rage. We also have this new ad for some anti bedwetting pill. I nearly fell off the sofa. Outragious!

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  12. ardlair ~ very good, very good.

    cyberpete ~ anti-bedwetting pill. That hasn't made it here yet, thank goodness.

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  13. But I thought Tena pads were for when you needed a comfortable ride on a camel?
    Sx

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  14. ms scarlet ~ by their very nature camel rides aren't comfortable. I think you need full-on padding for that. Tena Lady says it leaves no VPL, so I think therein lies a whole world of pain.

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  15. At the very moment I'd give something to have a Camel. And rip that fucking filter OFF!

    sorry.

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  16. Do they show those sanctimonious adverts about protecting children from the effects of drunk parents outside of Scotland? I feel obliged to go pour another drink everytime they show it.

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  17. I hate the one where the little boy is scared of doing a "poo at Paul's".

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  18. So far, I've steered clear of this particular debate, being a tolerant sort of guy...but PJ's gone and done it...Oh god what I'd give to do all MY poos at Pauls...little bastard would certainly never again be allowed to give toilet space to his friends!

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  19. Well at least it's animated. Had we been in japan it would have been Sylvester Stallone and Jamie Lee Curtis in the adverts.

    The American Pro Active ad with Jamie lee Curtis is also annoying me.

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  20. VPL?

    Is that Visible Pee Left?

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  21. I dislike them all.. have a happy period .. who are they kidding?! I'm grumpy at the mo anyway I think I have been given some nasty bug to coincide with having my time of the month. Wonderful.

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  22. mago ~ the cravings got to you eh?

    macy ~ welcome my dear. Here we have obnoxious kids begging their parents to stop smoking. I immeadiately start rolling up and head outside for a crafty one.

    Lectures never worked with me when I was a child either.

    pj ~ as a parent I'd have just handed him the bog cleaner and a toilet brush. If he's that anal (sorry) he can sort out his OCD needs.

    cogidubnus ~ ummm...quite.

    cyberpete ~ Neither Jamie nor Arnie have made it over here. Send me a link if you can.

    re: VPL ~ eewwww!

    archive girl ~ what? So you mean you're not out rollerskating in white hot pants at the moment? I'm shocked and surprised.

    Truly.

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  23. I like Jamie Lee Curtis. Once known as "The Queen of Scream", she is simply a very attractive person. And VPL, wasn't that the Visible Pantie Line? A problem some ladies had before this shoelace called g-string became common.
    Roses, totally unrelated to all this, are you on facebook? I wrote you an email yesterday (not sure?), and found that a public facebook-profile was coming with it - is that you? Get me right please, I simply ask. I will not join facebook, not as 63mago nor under my real name, I am simply astounded that your (or another person's?) profile comes to my web-mail-account. And you should know about this, both I mean, the profil-sending and my not-facebooking.
    And gimme a fag now, will ya?

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  24. Jesus - the profile in question came with your Answer - just to put it right, sorry, Mueller-Thurgau, much better than your Pinot Grigio ...

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  25. mago ~ I think Jamie Lee Curtis is fantastic. A really interesting woman visually. And yes, VPL is Visible Panty Line.

    I haven't seen your favourite tipple over here, you'll have to bring it with you.

    And yes, I am on Facebook and that is me. Shame you're not joining, I lose several hours on Facebook every day. It would be fun to hang out virtually.

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