Shout Out for Good Reads

I am looking for some feel-good reads. I've fallen out of the habit of reading and although I have stacks of thrillers and horrors etc, I just can't face them at the moment. All that pain and death. I'm not particularly after romance for once, just not in the mood for it.

I'm after books that have been well constructed, well written and fun to read. A story that will touch me.

I don't need any dramas. I won't voluntarily read anything by Sebastian Faulkes or Dan Brown, so don't even make me try.

Go on, what do you recommend, and why?

Dressing the Mormon Way

Every year the Mormons descend on Carrow Road for their big get-together East Anglian style. Riverside becomes swamped in freshly scrubbed, suited men and their women of all ages, shapes and sizes.

I was dragged out of my home, kicking and screaming by the Great Ursus who has decided to 'look after me' in my time of need (I am more and more coming to understand the comfort of agraphobia and am considering lining it up as my next neuroses, but he's not having any of it. *mutter, mutter*).

So, we're driving past Carrow Road and there are the throngs of freshly scrubbed Mormons and I was struck by the thought, when exactly does the Dowdy Fairy come visiting? As you know, I'm looking at my 40th in a matter of months and I'm just wondering whether being Pagan is protection enough against her wily ways.

When do polyester, A-line, pleated, paisely skirts start to look good on a hanger? Especially coupled with flat shoes and frilly blouses?

The younger women, in their long flower printed skirts, are lovely, but next to them are their mothers, because families that pray together, stay together. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of long skirts, they hide a multitude of sins and are cooler in hot weather. But, any woman who grew up in the 60s and 70s, there's really no excuse for it. Or is it the religion? Along with the many wives, at middle age, out go vibrant colours and in comes lilac and baby blue (both of which should never, ever be put together, especially if one has reddy tones).

I know this isn't particularly Politically Correct of me, but quite frankly, the Editor-in-my-Head is off on holiday. Any hate mail, make it interesting 'burn in hell' isn't going to cut it. And besides, I already know I'm not going to Heaven, I won't know anyone there.

Words for Women to Live By

Thanks to Moggie for this, I adjusted it for my own circumstances.

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!
13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

Private Spaces

Commuting out of the city every day has given me a new insight on human nature. You'd think I'd have grown bored of human nature - you'd be wrong. People never fail to fascinate me.

A car is a private space, an extention of one's home if you will. And people treat their cars like they do any other private space, even though it's got 5 windows and half the city's population trying to get to work.

While waiting for lights I have seen:

• a guy have a really good dig around his nose, and give the results a thorough inspection before consuming.
• a woman apply full make-up
• another woman squeeze her spots
• a couple argue, with lots of hand flinging..
• a mad woman sing on the top of her lungs to Bohemian Rhapsody...

Oh yeah, that was me.

Cover Up!

Its officially a heat wave, and I think it's melted peoples' brains.

I have never seen so many scantily clad people in my life, all shapes and sizes.

I just want to go around with a huge vat of sun cream and a bunch of t-shirts. Cover it up! Please?

English men should not wear trousers that have been cut off at the knee. They aren't shorts. They are masacred trousers. And they should definitely not wear flip-flops with them. Especially to walk around the city. Flip-flops are beach-wear. This is the city, damn it, not the flippin beach.

Oh yeah, and while you're at it, please can you also ensure that your boxers and trousers don't part company around your waist? I don't want to see your Calvins, really I don't.

And put a t-shirt on! I don't care if you've got a 6 pack. Put it away!

Adventures in my Garden

While I was indulging in a naughty smoke in my garden the other day, I saw:

3 bats chasing a moth

and

2 baby frogs (grown from my very own pond)

How blessed am I?

Queen - Love of My Life

My CM at work and I have been swapping music (horrendously illegally). And he has reminded me how much I love Queen.

Freddy Mercury died as he lived, talented, without any apologies, proud.