Adventures in Decorating

Me, last week

For the record, can I just say, I loathe DIY. I am not a Do It Yourself person. I am as practical as a chocolate tea pot. No, I don't like crafts either. Unfortunately, I am surrounded by crafty, practical, creative people. People who may decide to totally redecorate their bedroom at 3 am, and have it done ready for when they go to work at 9 am. People with a sense of style, colour and flair.

Had I won last Friday's Euromillions jackpot, a paltry £122 million, I'd have put my tools down and hired a painter and decorator so fast, they'd have thought the number was on speed dial.

As the flat was previously rented out and the colour throughout was the rent-standard Magnolia, and the purpose of this exercise was to not only make it inhabitable again, but also to make it MINE, leaving it bland was not an option. I've spent a lot of time on the Dulux website and even downloaded their app (yes, there's even an app for that).

So, I'm experimenting with colour.

For my bedroom

My bedroom is a bit of a dark hole, not helped by the previous dark green carpet, or the fact the curtains practically covered the window even when they were opened. I've got a new carpet in there, a patterned beige which made a huge difference to the feel of the room. I was going to have Spring Rose and had actually bought a tin of it. I went to the DIY shop and saw the Raspberry Diva, as a Once paint, on special offer. I had to have it. I didn't care that it would turn my room into a cave. I needed it. We'll see how that turns out.

Dulux are really good at making palette suggestions and I opted for warm neutrals for the long, front room. There's a wooden dado rail that splits the wall, at a height that drives Dave insane. It's perfect for doing it two-tone. For the top part of the room (NB. part, not half and it's not even the Golden Ratio. But as I'm not about to rip the rail off the wall and re-plaster the whole damned room, Dave will just have to suck it up), I've chosen Malt Chocolate...

For the bottom part

I've got colourful furnishings and rather than decorate with those colours in mind, I am trying to create as neutral a canvas as possible, but with some colour. Goodness knows how it's going to turn out. Dave hates it as a colour scheme. But then, he like Lime Green as a colour, which I loathe. As it's my space...he'll have to put up with it. I like it.

I'm currently putting the kitchen together. I have put a kitchen together before. The kitchen in my former marital home was from MFI. I could follow those instructions without any bother. This kitchen, from Wickes, is a bit of a challenge. I'm not good with following instructions at the best of times. If it needs an instruction manual, it's not worth my time. These are not intuitive. Needless to say, I'm finding this a bit of a challenge.

The kitchen, is going to be ultra-modern. The cabinets are a high-gloss, pale cream, with black worktops and the floor is dark and silver vinyl. It's going to be gorgeous. I'm going for a chalky purple colour for the walls. I think it's kind of this colour. Unfortunately, I'm having a senior moment, the colour will have to be mixed for me and I've had so many tester pots, I actually can't remember the name of the damned thing!

So, this is how I've been spending my weekends and most of my days. I've snatched the occasional bit of free time - by free I mean time not spent in the office or in the flat - so I could do my laundry and try to work out. I've also got the outlines of a couple of novellas and a couple of novels. 

The next 3 weeks are going to be Hell. I'm doing DIY which I loathe and then straight on to moving house, which I detest. I am going to be whinging a helluva lot. Please be patient. I can't wait for this to be over, so I will be embedded in the Flat and can get on with it.

On the New Healthy Living Regime

You may have gathered that in the midst of all the chaos of my Life presently, I am on a health kick. Actually, it's not so much a health kick as a total re-think of Health in general.

I had my last cigarette in December. Inn March I began to do my workout DVDs again, albeit very sporadically until May. This week, I managed 3 workouts, which I am very pleased about. My back is niggling, so I won't push it too much. 

Today, Amazon delivered Living the GI Diet by Rick Gallop. There's a guy at work who is a fitness nut to the nth degree and he said it's about changing the way you eat so you're eating better food and feeling satisfied once you've put down your knife and fork. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have 21lbs to get off my butt.

It's interesting because there have been some really good articles on body image circulating on Facebook recently. I am not overweight. I am still within the boundaries of healthy weight vs. height and body-type and BMI. I've just gone up a dress size. 

My friends aren't dropping hints and Lawrence hasn't started insisting we turn out the lights, so he doesn't have to look at the extra wobbly bits.

In fact, Lawrence and I have had words, because I blame him for my weight-gain. I'm happy with him and therefore have an appetite. If only he'd be a rubbish boyfriend, well, I'd be as skinny as a rake. The only successful dieting method I've ever know has been the Rubbish Relationship/Break-up diet. 

I'm really enjoying my body at the moment. I suppose I realise what a hard time I've given it: ridiculous stress levels, smoking, drinking and way too much fast food, all with no exercise. Despite the punishment, I have only niggling health issues: hayfever, a growing lactose intolerance, sinusitis etc. I feel really quite sexy and bouncy. So, I'm tempted to ignore the numbers on the scales.

But then, I've been thinking about what my body needs from me. I have a dodgy knee and an interesting lower back. Therefore, not carrying around the extra 21lbs will make a heck of a difference to my comfort. Obviously, if I'm stronger and fitter, it will contribute to my comfort levels.

The thing is, I like eating food that's high in fats. I love my carbs. Butter, double cream, olives, pizza, pasta...om nom nom. Those foods make me happy inside. Bring on the creamy, cheesey sauce and pour it all over. Oh yeah baby. Crisps? Why yes, I'd love some, thank you. There are some desserts where I'd walk out of the house naked for: creme brûlée, Eton Mess.... I like my food.

People in the wellness industry talk about having a healthy relationship with food and a healthy body image. The closest to sensible I've read has been Paul McKenna with I can Make you Thin. He says to eat when you're hungry and whatever you eat, really want to eat it and stop when you're full. To me that's sound advice for developing a better relationship with food. Especially if you comfort eat, or use food to try and deal with chaos and pain.

One thing I've learnt within the personal development world, is there isn't only one way. There are many. And people who tell you that only their way works are trying to sell you snake oil. I'm going to read up on the GI diet and see what feels right for me. Happily, Lawrence being a food scientist means I can sanity check things. I figure being aware of what I eat and balancing out the stuff I really want to eat with healthy foods and exercising regularly will help my body do the things I ask of it.

To Do List for June 2013

My monthly To Do List for June 2013 only has 3 items on it:

1. Decorate Flat

2. Pack up and Move 

3. Write for a Living.

I will have to wade through 6 pages of tasks in order to complete these items. To say I'm a touch stressed by the whole thing, is like saying Elvis kind of liked fried food. Put it this way, I bypassed the Pink Fluffy Dressing Gown completely today. 

Normally it's not a good thing to make such a massive list of tasks, it's too easy to get discouraged by the enormity of it. However, I've got so much to do and the timing is quite crucial, I was worried I would forget something important. 

The good thing about breaking down all the tasks is I've been able to score some easy wins today. I am having a massive clear out. Today, I did books and CDs.

There's another shelf under this

And this is the other pile

Once all those were collected and piled up, I turned on my CD collection. I then went through  all the CDs, got rid of duplicates and the ones that were copied for my car several times. I've got two small boxes of music now looking for a new home.

One of the things that struck me as I was sorting through my books was how many of them I purchased because I thought I ought to read them. Books that would supposedly enlighten and expand my knowledge and experience. You know, literature books. I bought them and they've sat on my shelves taking up space since then. Looking through them I wondered who I was trying to impress by keeping them. Out of preference I read genre fiction, my life has had quite enough drama as it is, without including it in my entertainment. When I relax I want a good time with a happy ending. As I was sorting through it I became determined to only keep the books I wanted with me. The ones whose company I genuinely enjoyed, those I would read again. Hence, I probably got rid of about 2 bookshelf-worth. 

When it came to the CDs, same again. I sorted through the endless the compilations I'd bought because I was only after a couple of tracks. I'm now multitasking as I write this post. I've got a pile of CDs next to me and I'm systematically copying them on to my laptop. I know I will have to go through my digital library again. There are sure to be duplicates, but that's fine. I should have done this a long time ago.

I've also had a long think about many of my possessions: knick knacks, random stones, odds and ends and I've decided that if it's been in a box (i.e. in the loft) or I haven't interacted with it (i.e. looked at, picked it up or enjoyed it) it will be moving on. I'm not a sentimental person and frankly, dragging stuff around with me, on the off chance I might one day use it, when I haven't used it for years - it makes no sense.

I also dug out the kitchen, did a massive pile of dishes, cleaned up and did a couple of loads of laundry. So, all in all a very productive day. Tomorrow, I will do more work on the flat. I'm lucky in that my friend Juju has offered to help. She's good company and it'll be a good excuse to indulge in a cheeky cider afterwards.

...Press 5 for Emotional Meltdown

It seems there's a knack for maintaining your sanity. Follow this simple tip and you'll never reach for the vodka bottle again.

Never, ever try to get hold of any large institution/business/government organisation by telephone.

It's so simple.

I wished I'd have realised this years ago.

As you may remember, I'm in the midst of remodelling my flat, ready to move in at the end of June. Unfortunately, my administrative system has struck again. The blasted Paperwork Elves fed my receipts/paperwork to the dragon and I can't find out when new flooring is to be delivered. I spent the last hour and a half trying to get hold of the Norwich store to find out the details. Can I get through? Good grief no. Not only that, I have an automated process to go through every time before being told, they can't take my call right now.

For the sake of my own peace of mind, I removed the telephone from my ear and went and did a work out. I'm going to have a shower, get dressed and drive over there to get the information in person. It'll be more pleasant for everyone concerned.

And yes, you did read that right. I did a work out. I have been working out at least once a week. I've been taking it very slowly...I'm very unfit and my knees and back being what they are...the idea is not to make it worse. There is improvement, but it's very small yet. I'm now doing more of the workout and working harder at it. This pleases me but in the grand scheme of things - I have a long way to go. 

We spent the weekend working on the flat. Which was great fun. Last week was hard going. I had a lot of writing to do and then the office job and frankly, my brain was mush. I don't know what was going on, but jeez Louise, I found it nigh on impossible to get anywhere with anything. If I could have, I'd have gone back to bed for the whole week.

Helping demolish my kitchen was a fantastic antidote. As was removing 4 years of limescale from my toilet. Kids, it's important. Do as the chemist says, not as he does. 

There's one more unit to be taken to bits, but that requires plumbing tools. The nasty vinyl is up, the worktops are out, the tiles (and most of the plaster) are off. Once I know when the flooring will be done, then we can finally get somewhere with it.

Of course, this is the fun bit.

Every job seems to have 6 jobs behind it and one thing can only be done, once something else has been done.

The electrician is booked in to start moving sockets and lights around.

I'm not stressed. Really I'm not. Just because when I lie down to sleep at night I've got 3,000 things going on in my head...it's to be expected.

I keep telling myself how much it will be worth it and that in 3 months time, we'll be settled in and comfy.

I keep pinching myself as to how lucky I am to have an awesome man who gives up a perfect weekend to bike around Norfolk to demolish my kitchen and haul dead appliances to the tip.

End of an Era

Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the day when it all starts to change. When everything I've been worrying about starts to happen. 

Today was Boy's last ever day at college. He will be taking his exams in the next few weeks and is then off to university. My baby is all growed up. 

His first school photo

Being all cute and innocent in Trinidad

Both of us hiding the incriminating cigarettes behind our backs. Yes, he was legal age

And more recently

The thing is I love him to bits for just being Boy. He makes me laugh. We like hanging out together. I'm not a traditional parent and he's an awesome son. 

I haven't done the school run for years. He's always been incredibly independent-minded and wanted to take himself off to school as soon as he possibly could. Today, it was absolutely chucking it down and as it was his last day, it felt right.

I'm glad I did. He went off to college, I went and celebrated with coffee and cake at The Window and later on we shared a heated debate on Facebook with other people from across the water about tattoos.

My baby is all growed up and I iz very proud of him. 

*proud mama smile* 

Adventures with Acrylic Nails

As you know, this is the blog for the deep and meaningful things in life...like nails.

On my left thumb nail I have a vertical ridge that pretty much dissects my nail. This ridge splits into my nail bed if I bash it. As you can imagine it is bloody painful if it catches on fabric or anything else, and there's always the risk of a tear. 

I've tried gluing the bits back together, with no success. Recently I tried gels - where they paint your nails with this liquid, stick it under UV light. Hey presto! Perfect nails that are tough as fuck.

I thought I'd see if I'd get on better with acrylic nails. I could buy the nails myself and I wouldn't have to go to a salon and thus, save money.

It was fine in principle. 

Except the first lot of nails I bought were too big for my actual fingers. They were a plain, French polish and short, so I thought I could get away with one just for my thumb. Again, fine in principle. Because it was designed for a different size digit, it flaked off after two days. And besides, one false nail just looked silly.

Back to my chemist I went. This time, I found petite false nails. But they were long and decorated. They were proper Dolly Bird nails. I bought them anyway.

I chose the appropriate sizes first, lined them all up and then buffed my nails. I wiped them down with nail polish remover to take off any dust and oils. Putting them on was a doddle. I was surprised how easy it was. Yes, I did glue bits of my hands together, but that was quickly sorted.

When I finished I realised my mistake. They were way too long!

Talons

I couldn't type, use my phone or iPad easily. Nails this long turn the simplest activities, like unzipping jeans, into a 20 page adventure. It was pointed out to me - women who wear nails like these, don't do much beyond shopping and tottering around on very high heels. Neither of which I'm vaguely interested in doing. Besides, I'm a writer. How the hell am I supposed to write, when I can't type?!

Boy needed to be in college early o'clock today, so I  drove him in (easy Good Mother points collected) and I went on into the city to find a nail bar.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Norwich isn't the city for acrylic nails. Norwich is the city to get your hair cut and coloured using organic products and you can have manicures and pedicures using the best ingredients. But acrylic nails? Oh no. Apparently, acetone is a nasty chemical and better salons prefer to use more "natural" products.

Okay people, get with the reality check. If you're painting and gluing shit to your nails, it's not "natural". Furthermore, use the braincells the good Goddess gave you. "Natural" does not equal "better". It's all about chemistry; whether natural or synthetic. And some so-called "natural" chemicals are downright dangerous, unstable and just bad for your general health. Polonium comes to mind. Occurs in nature, fucks you over in the nastiest of ways.

When I worked in perfumery I had to field a lot of those arguments. Consider musk oil. A totally natural product gained from electrocuting deer and then collecting their stress-laden urine. Artificial, much better idea; and actually, a cheaper and more stable product to use.

Anyway, after I went into the 3rd sniffy salon (we don't do those types of nails here, get them taken off and we'll give you a gel set for £37.00) I went to a place run by Chinese immigrants. You open the door and the chemical fug plays around your ankles and draws you in. The girl looked at my nails as I explained my problem.

"You don't want to take these off today." She told me. "You damage your nails. And they very pretty."

Oh. Okay.

"I can trim these for you with my machine. £3.00."

So said, so done.

She got her whizzy tool out, trimmed them down and shaped them to ovals. She also glued the bit I'd cracked when I attempted to cut them using clippers.

They weren't busy. The place was empty but for the staff when I walked in. She gave me good advice, which suited my pocket. I walked away very pleased indeed. The thing is, I'd go back again. I'd risk the chemical fug and go back again because they were straight with me.

I kinda like the idea of having nice nails without having to spend 2 hours every 4 days painting, polishing and primping them. I'm hard on my hands. I spend a lot of time pounding my fingers agains the keyboard. And soon they'll be in paint and filler as we decorate the flat.

Boots can expect a visit from me soon. I'll see if I can find false nails more to my liking there for next time.

After. Pretty and Functional. #epicwinning

Adventures on a Bicycle

See! Photographic evidence

Have I mentioned I don't cycle? The last time I sat on a bike was about 20 years ago. I biked a bit when I was growing up, but on quiet roads and not very far. I had a bike for a bit when I first moved to Hunstanton, I remember being freaked out by the traffic and being told off for cycling on the path.

My husband bought me a bike. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It was a white Raleigh; sit up and beg bike with a shopping basket that was supposed to take me to and from work, just down the road. I think I managed a few journeys and then drove. I'm pretty sure my Mother-in-Law ended up with the bike. I didn't miss it. Again, my road craft wasn't good enough and I lacked confidence.

Dave bikes. He has quite a few bikes. I warned him in advance. You're not getting me on the back of a bike. I said. It's not going to happen. 

I'm not entirely sure what happened. I still don't remember the thinking that lead to me borrowing a bike to wobble about the road outside of his house. Nor do I remember how he managed to get me all kitted up and got me to do a 2 mile trip. I personally suspect hypnosis. Or magic. I'm pretty sure I am not in my right mind.

I told him I was unfit.

I told him I have no gear.

I told him I am terrified on the open road.

And still, yesterday we went out again.

Personally, I think he's a masochist. Listening to me complain and apologise for the 5 miles to the pub and the 5 miles back home again and having to go at a snail's pace, must have been hell. Especially, knowing that he could have done the same journey in 25 minutes, instead of the *cough* hours it took us me. Well, it serves him right. No good deed goes unpunished.

He let me ride his Stiffee!

You pervs! This is Dave's Stiffee!

Tee hee!

It's a mountain bike made in Vancouver that really is the dogs bollocks (pardon my French). Apparently, it's like me being lent Red Rum to go on a hack. Actually, after my performance yesterday, that's not far from the truth.

I had fun. Even with the whinging and aching and swearing and the going very slowly and stopping often.

It was a lovely day, sunny and warm (but not too warm or windy). He'd chosen a route in the middle of nowhere. There were fields and birds and a wallaby (yes, there really was a wallaby). I realised yesterday how much I miss the outdoors now I don't smoke. There's this whole thing going on outside, which I've not been taking much notice.

It's great. It's changed my mind about the whole exercise malarky. Now I've got something I really want to do, I want to get fitter sooner rather than later so we can do more of that! I liked it. I really did.

What surprised me was that the Stiffee didn't hurt my back at all. The first bike I borrowed was a Pashley Princess. This bike, I'm told is one to cycle round the village with a loaf of bread or a bunch of daffs in the basket, saying "Morning Vicar." It was not the most comfortable and even with a new, wider and padded saddle, it didn't do my back much good.

The Stiffee had it's own discomforts, my knees come up quite high, which means I have to work a bit and the grips were hard on my hands. But it was still brilliant to ride. It's not the bike's fault I'm rubbish.

We are looking around for my own bike, which I'm gently excited about. Knowing myself as I do, I'd like to get a lot more proficient before I part with cold-hard cash. My resources to fund whims are diminishing. If I continue to have fun biking then it will be worth the money and then some.