Monday or how you know it's going to be one of Those Days

I woke this morning a little before 6 am, to the sound of the Cat heaving.

She was surprised a little while later when she lept onto my bed, started coughing and I chucked her off.

A little while later Boy poked his head round the door and said he wasn't feeling very well.

I decided it was an omen and arranged with work to stay home today and go in to work tomorrow instead. I'm glad I did. I didn't find where she'd been sick until after I tramped through it and draped my fluffly pink dressing gown in the lovely goo. The un-naturally pale Boy went back to bed.

You have to understand I'm fully aware I'm pre-mentrual. But I have Thornton's chocolate caramel shortbread in the house and a lethal dose of paracetemol and ibuprofen on standby. Not to mention a huge stack of Buffy dvds and my duvet on high alert.

Boy was napping on the couch, I was watching crap on the idot box when I noticed a guy creeping round the bushes outside my front window. I got up, opened the front door and asked him what he was doing creeping round my bushes. He said he was checking my water meter and walked off.

I was surprisingly not happy. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I have anything against men creeping round my bushes. But I'd have liked to at least had a proper introduction. Not to mention dinner and some polite conversation. I'm becoming old-fashioned in my advancing years.

So I rang Anglian Water. When I finally got through their telephone tree (press 1 for a headache, press 2 to talk to an idiot), I stated my name, address and problem. The customer service person put me on hold to talk to Operations, she then came back to me and said she could give me a number to ring if I would like to go after the strange bloke and get his ID, I could then check whether he was kosher. Or I could ring the police.

I take option 2, get the non-emergency number and talk to a very nice lady called Katie. She took my details, his details and asked if I would mind a visit from the Plod if it became necessary. I was talking to her on a cordless and I could see him working his way up the road. Bending over other people's front walls. There wasn't even an Anglian Water van in sight. At least she understood why I wasn't particularly happy.

I know I'm being slightly hysterical but I live in Studentville. Often the first port of call for the light-fingered. They quite like to relieve those scabby students of their lap-tops, mobile phones and i-pods.

This bloke was in a blue jumper, blue trousers with a hi-vis vest. Nothing of which read Anglian Water. In case you're taking details, I reckon he was slight, 5'8 and had light brown hair. Now, most of the utility guys I've ever met were very meticulous about showing ID. They usually walk around with lots of gear, name emblazoned on everything, and a clipboard. This guy just seemed to have a screw-driver. I wasn't about to run after him and demand to see his ID.

I might be fairly spikey, but I do know in a fair fight I'd still come off worse. I'm not very big and it's been years since I've done my martial arts training. The worst I'd probably manage is to bite his ankles. So no, I'm not going to be challenging anyone thanks very much. They might need cleaning, but damnit, they are my teeth.

So I'm afraid I have probably just wasted police time.

I can't wait to see what happens for the rest of today.

Mind you, I can afford to be grumpy and pre-mentrual. But we are still waiting with Savannah. She's a lovely Southern belle, who has become a new friend. Please pop in and give her a hug.

PS. Just had a visit from a very professional WPC with no sense of humour. Now I feel 2 inches high and teary.

PPS. I'm going to implement emergency procedures and go smoke in the garden. Anyway, I've missed the opportunity to die young.

Update: Someone from Norfolk Constabulary rang to do a customer service questionnaire. I gave positive feedback, just because the WPC didn't have a sense of humour and made me feel 2 inches high, it wasn't an opportunity to be petty. It turns out they rang Anglian Water, who did not have anyone working on my road that day.

I feel vindicated for being a nosey old bat.


  1. Fortunately, you have plenty of Thornton's chocolate caramel shortbread left, as I generously didn't eat it all.

    Or any of it.

    Even though I was very tempted.

  2. I was once cut off by Wessex Water (without notice) at some unearthly hour before tea and teeth cleaning. I screamed PMT stress at the man on the phone along the lines of "have you had a cup of tea and a wash this morning??" "WELL I FRIGGING HAVEN'T" - they sent me £10.

  3. I think it may be a design defect that cats are always yakking up hairballs and stuff. Maybe Cat Version 2.0 will have that bug fixed.

    PS: Hope your day has improved.

  4. dave ~ I have 2 less squares now. I am ekeing the pleasure out.

    ziggi ~ they sent you £10? And that was supposed to make everything better?

    xl ~ it is definitely a design defect. One which probably would be helped if she would stop eating my Prince Charmings!

    PS. I opened a bottle of cider. The day may not have improved, at least it's through soft focus.

  5. roses! sugar, y'all are too sweet! i'm hoping everything works out for YOU today, too! xoxoxox (dammit, i would really, really, really love a smoke right now!) ;~D xoxoxox

  6. savannah ~ we'll have to make do with having a virtual one together.

    Everything will work out fine for me, soon it will be bed time. And then we can see what Tuesday has in store. But I'm not sure I can go to bed not knowing how things are with you honey.

  7. Anonymous7:02 am

    "Fluffy pink dressing gown", soso ... what is a wpc and why did (s)he make you feel small? Cider as in cidre, this French apple mixture? You will need a new head when finished with this ...

  8. mago ~ the pink fluffy dressing gown is a post all of it's own.

    WPC is a lady copper. She was just very, very professional. Very. No sense of humour.

    Cider is indeed fermented apple juice and very nice too.

    Not so much problems with my liver as my lungs. I smoked too much yesterday.

  9. I trust Tuesday is proving to be much better.

  10. dave ~ bless your heart for enquiring. It was much better. I spent most of it at work, and now I'm going to put my feet up and doze off in front of the idiot box.

  11. Oh blimey, what a day. Glad Tuesday's been better.

    Off to visit Savannah now.

  12. Catpuke...routine...catshit with dogs...must be our house or something...but why am I NEVER wearing shoes when I discover same? There's the rub...

  13. z ~ I have to say, I was happy to see the back of that Monday. Tuesday wasn't so bad, and while Wednesday's damp, it's perfectly acceptable.

    cogidubnus ~ I believe bare feet have shit radar. I'm going out on a limb here...but I bet neither of you indulge in foot fetish activities.

  14. Anonymous10:07 pm

    So no foot rub for you.

  15. mago ~ yes please! Foot rub! Pleeeezzeee? I've tried so hard to be good.


Post a Comment

welcome to my writing world

Popular posts from this blog

Greetings and Salutations from 2018

Getting Adventurous...

Sardines & Beer