Breaking up is Hard to Do

Earlier this year I started a relationship. It came out of stress and angst and in it's own way, it preserved my sanity. However, it is becoming more and more clear to me that I can't continue with it. It may very well be the death of me. The problem is, like all things which are fundementally bad for me, I want it all the more now. As I write this, I want to roll a smoke.

It has become a ritual. With that familiarity, a sense of peace, stepping out of the stresses of the day, just for 2 minutes at time. It's completely my time. I stare into my garden and let my thoughts go into free-fall. Inspiration often strikes at these moments. Problems and insights which have eluded me in the house, become clear and firm.

My GP has stated categorically that I can't smoke. He says I have the potential for an addictive personality and my lungs can't cope with the regular assault. He's not concerned about cancer, his worry is bronchitis and emphasema. The current tightness round my chest rather does reinforce this message.

I am not going to go cold turkey. My life has too much going on it right now, for that to be a viable option. Turning into Bitch-from-Hell because I've given up nicotine and creating mass destruction around me will not help me achieve my long-term goals: an easy life.

Wish me luck.

Currently smoking: 6 a day.


  1. Good Luck Roses..
    I know its ot easy, ive been trying on and off for months to stop and cant quite get that 'Willpower' thing sorted out with so much happening here all the time.. I always turn to tea and ciggies as my 5 mins out time.. thats so bad i know.
    Keep trying and fingers crossed for you..

  2. I do wish you every luck. I'm sure you can do it - you can do anything if you really want to.

  3. I've never smoked, so I don't know the difficulties of quiting. I wish you every success in making that goal!

  4. b*e*g ~ thank you honey. I need all the support I can get.

    dave ~ therein lies the rub. I actually don't want to. But I have to. So whether I will do, is open to debate.

    xl ~ I haven't smoked for very long. I've not tried giving up we'll see.

  5. It's all about........choices.

    All life is .

    Current choice..............

    1. Continue.

    Advantages - nicotine hit; feeling of doing what you want rather than what someone tells you.

    Disadvantages - increased CHANCE of developing a variety of smoking related problems.....including "smoker's face" ( you know that un-ironed look); "smoker's hair"( you know that tar stained front quiff) ; gangrene; cancer; chronic lung disease; "smoker's pong" ( you know non-smokers can really pong it in a clinch - might be a turn on for some.) and "smokers lips and tongue" ( you know non-smokers can really taste it on you when snogging ( again might be a turn on for some).

    2. Stop.
    Advantages - lower CHANCE of developing gangrene, cancer, chronic lung disease. Certain CURE of smoker's hair, lips, tongue, pong etc etc.

    Disadvantages - temporary anxiety while withdrawing from nicotine ; problems with something to do with hands when nervy; feeling that you are doing something because you are told rather than 'cos you want to; and maybe worst of can now smell and taste pong on prospective lovers ( but might be a turn-on, provoke nostalgic high, and actual nicotine high if enough still stuck on lover's tongue.)

    My call.................well that's irrelevant.
    It's your call.
    It's all about choices.

    L and K
    Ardlair the agony aunt.

  6. The one that Ardlair forgot...

    If you smoke your gums recede, admitting disease, and eventually loosening to the extent that your teeth drop out...I know...I was that smoker and lost four bottom teeth on one side and one on the other...

    This is despite giving up smoking some seven or eight years ago, heroic dental care, and extreme self-treatment (you wouldn't BELIEVE the foul taste of Corsodyl mouthwash and the stains it leaves on everything...including your remaining teeth)...

    Couple of years ago I met an old girlfriend of mine from years back - from the same cause she's lost her entire top set, and loads of her bottom ones...hollow cheeks and stained mouth doesn't begin to describe it...used to be such a pretty girl and now looks like some kind of rodent...

    Roes and Jo too...In my experience, to give up succesfully, you really DO need to go cold turkey and to do that, you really DO need to want it badly enough...

    Maybe the thought of looking like my old flame will be incentive enough...

  7. Up until the early 90's I smoked 20 to 40 a day and had antibiotics two or three times a year for severe bronchitis.

    My secret weapon to giving up was reading a wonderful book by Allen Carr : "Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking: Be a Happy Non-smoker for the Rest of Your Life".

    I strongly advise purchasing and reading it again and again until one day you just stop, easily and under your own control.

    The freedom of visiting other people's houses and not craving to stand out in there garden was one benefit, although now they've all got cats and I have to stand outside with Oz & Lily anyway!

    Good luck Roses! There is life on the other side!

  8. Anonymous2:40 am

    Smokin' ... stopped 1.1.99 without much ado after ... wait ... 23 years? Started early. I stopped because of fear (I was in poor health at this time) and because I was in a - how to translate? Everything around was good. Good perspective, good relation, no stress ... es hat einfach gestimmt.
    Started roughly a year ago again. You know my work and there are changes in my personal life. I smoke only at night, 90 % of the people I have to deal with smoke too. I do no more excercises and I am slowly but steadily nearing wit's end. I will quit again when I finally have a "real" job, surrender is no option.
    All I can say is that six a day is something you can grow old with. You started very late to smoke what is a good thing in re cancer. Keep it limited and when it's right, what surrounds you is okay, then you can quit - if the external factors are right it's easy.
    Here Tabacco Road in a high school version of a very young Eric Burdon ... Edgar Winter did the kill-yer-guitarist-version, but that's history, and he surely had more than a fag ...

  9. I think I might have a bit of an addictive personality. I'm also fairly reckless at times so it's not a good combination.
    I have only had the odd drunken/experimental puff of a cigarette & the taste & how it made me feel the next day was so foul it's put me off for life.

    On the other hand, I did once try smoking a cigar & I loved it.

    My mum was a 40+ a day smoker 12 years ago but after three bouts of pneumonia leading to a long stay in hospital on the third dose left her realising that it was either the cigarettes had to go or she waouldn't get through another Winter. She gave up that day & has never gone back to it.

    Like any addiction I guess, you have to want to give it up a lot more than you want to carry on with it.

    Good luck! :o) xx

  10. I'm going to the funeral next week of someone who died in his 40s of lung cancer. And the mother of my friend Bobbie died slowly of emphysema. Deeply distressing. If you develop either of these you will give up, believe me. So please do it before they happen.

  11. Thank you for stopping by with your encouragement and well wishes. It's very much appreciated.

    Currently smoking: 4 a day.

  12. keeping good thoughts for y'all, sugarpie! it ain't easy to quit, i know, but it sounds as if y'all know it's time. xoxoxoxo

  13. I can understand. My father can't stop smoking even when he has had problems walking because of it. After the operation now he takes his medication but then continues smoke. He is a very intelligent man and I am not saying that because he is my old Dad. He thinks we don't know that he has started again but who knows how it might end this time?

  14. archive girl ~ welcome honey. My dad smoked a horrendous amount, and has finally given up. He did it half a cigarette at a time. I think you really have to want to.

    I don't. Not yet.


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