Please Adjust My Set

I'm currently spending more time in front of the idiot box than normal (which is no tv at all). As my brain slowly atrophies and I watch yet another episode of Ghost Whisperer and Star Trek: various, I realise it's the adverts which drive me nuts. They are on constant loops and it's the same adverts for every episode of whatever I'm watching, whatever the time of day. Mostly, I can tune out the car insurance, post-your-gold-for-cash, cereals and don't do drugs and drive (drugs have an involuntary effect on the eyes, which you can't control; really), but there are three ads that make me want to commit violence.

Always Ultra
Features a winged pad with pin-balls bouncing off the various layers. I find it disturbing for several reasons including: my menstrual blood has never, ever resembled pin-balls. And quite frankly, I would seek immediate medical help if it ever started bouncing around like that. The violence comes from the strap line 'Have a Happy Period'. Really?! After spending the week before with gritted teeth, sore breasts and bloated stomach, I then spend the following week curled up in a ball, swallowing paracetemol and ibuprofen like they're tic tacks, clutching a hot water bottle. Have a happy period? Come closer love, my what a big tyre iron I have here, just for you.

Chocolate Rice Krispie Squares
After years of being inflicted with Malibu adverts featureing a Barbadian voice over, showing the supposed 'relaxed' Caribbean way of life, I'm then assaulted by an animated chocolate island with pale rice krispies lying in hammocks and a chocolate volcano eruption. This is wrong on soo many levels, least of which is the voice-over. Which Caribbean island is that supposed to hail from? I'm from there and while I know dialects change over time, that is one of the worst accents I have ever heard made up. Also, not so long ago St Lucia suffered a proper volcano eruption. That was no laughing matter. People lost their lives and homes through that natural disaster. Should you think I'm being overly sensitive about it, how would the ad have gone down had it been a chocolate tsunami?

Pampers Golden Sleep
Very cute baby gets introduced to an older woman, by doting mum. Goes to sleep for the night, sleeps 12 hours, wakes up the next morning and recognises the neighbour. The voice-over informs parents that babies need 'golden sleep' to develop properly. So if they chose Pampers their baby is going to have the IQ of Einstein. Really? I don't think so. I do think parents of young babies have a hard enough time as it is and some daft ad, guilt tripping them isn't helping.

Yes, I might have remembered the adverts which will no doubt have some agency rubbing their hands together. But you know what? It is with considerable glee that I boycott the first two products (I'm not likely to need the third any time soon). The brand may have won, but the product sales have lost.

Comments

  1. I wouldn't dream of commenting on the first ad. Or the others, come to think of it.

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  2. dave ~ now that's just disappointing. Where's your sense of adventure?

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  3. Well behind my sense of self-preservation.

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  4. I haven't seen the one for the Rice Krispies thing, but I think it'd probably make me laugh.

    The one that gets me is the ad for Cocoa Pops where the milkman is dancing to "The Power" by Snap while it rains chocolate milk and cocoa pops on him. It makes no sense whatsoever.

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  5. dave ~ Shame. Though it does show you are either very married, or were brought up in a household filled with women. Or both.

    beth ~ That ad always leaves me wondering what drugs they put in Cocoa Pops, and should we really be serving it to our children?

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  6. Neither, actually. Very divorced, and with just one brother.

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  7. dave ~ I was trying to think how I could have been more wrong...nope, I surpassed myself.

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  8. cogidubnus ~ it's first thing Monday morning, I sit here with my first cup of coffee having no idea what you mean.

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  9. It's the meercats advert.

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  10. The one that gets my vote for being most irritating is the Mazuma mobile advert. They promise you up to £100 for your old phone, but you know that you will get a cheque for £3.50 at the most. The vacuous smile that the guy gives as he opens the envelope just makes me want to smash his face in.

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  11. dave ~ thank you for the translation, I was definitely lost.

    sir bruin ~ hail and welcome. The music for the ad sets my teeth. It's so cutesy, jazzy...grrrr!

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  12. Oh yes, 'simples', I agree that one is very annoying.... and the gold for cash one... send all your gold [through the post] to some guy in Nigeria [probably] and he'll send you a big fat cheque. I don't think so.
    Sx

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  13. As you say - the same ads are repeated over and over - it must be buy one get 10 free.
    I now refuse to watch anything 'live'. It's always recorded on the hard drive and those ads get zapped over in 2 seconds.

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  14. Ms Scarlet ~ I'm glad I'm not alone with having the doubts of this gold-for-cash thing. Mind you, I am a millionaire 3 times over, if only I would e-mail my bank details...

    kaz ~ so that's what they've done. I have been wondering why the same adverts every break. Thank god we're not in the States, where the ads are every 5 mins.

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  15. I can't stand the advert where the 'Sex in the City' lookalikes sit around a table and talk about the one with the 'big eyes' having trouble with her poo. What! Maybe it's just me but I have never had the conversation with my friends, certainly would think them odd for carry stuff around that softens poo and would probably avoid the 'ginge with the google eyes' anyway. Would they ever make an advert with men talking like that???

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  16. moggie ~ for the life of me, I can't remember ever seeing this ad. As for discussions about bowel movements, I'm afraid I'm guilty. I had coffee with a lovely lady, recently 50 and we started talking about it. Not only that, we shared my lactulose. I know. I'm doomed.

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  17. I hope you don't have such conversations every time you have a cup of something with a friend.

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  18. dave ~ have no fear. My conversation content tends not to include bowel movements as standard. But I must admit, it's a comfort to know I have friends who I can talk about anything with.

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