Adventures with Prince Charming

Last night, or rather this morning, I woke up with a bit of a start. One of the things sleeping on my own regularly has meant, is I am a light sleeper. I generally sleep well. If I don't, I become Bitch Queen from Hell. I need my sleep. I think part of my sleeping light also was set when I became a mum and that's never properly re-set, even after Boy slept well through the night. Even when I was married, or had a lover who stayed regularly, I was the one who woke up and went to investigate.

So I was awake wondering why I was awake and then I heard a noise. It was a bit like the noise you hear when you move a bit of furniture about and it has a squeaky castor. I heard it again. I checked the bottom of the bed. No Cat. I poked my head through Boy's door and he was pretty much dead to the world. There it was again. An unhappy sound.

I trooped downstairs, stark bollock naked and there was the Cat.

She'd brought me a present. Bless her. Prince Charming.

He sat looking very displeased at being in my hall.

I squatted down next to him, while he pretended to be a leaf. He was about the size of my palm and I didn't particularly fancy picking him up. I unlocked and opened the front door. He then changed tack and pretended to be a stone when I gave him a nudge. I tried picking him up and he made that squeaky castor noise. I nudged his cute behind, and out he hopped squeaking, into the night.

The Cat was most put out. Here she was trying to sort out my love-life; all I had to do was give him a kiss and hey presto, Prince Charming. And what did I do, shove him out the door. Talk about ungrateful. What she failed to realise is I value my sleep more than I do my love-life.


  1. What a great angle from which to tell that tale. Why do cats lurve to show off their victims for their "servants"?

    It's like a gladiator looking up at Caesar to get the thumbs up or's creepy how they can toy with their captive. It isn't true that Humans are the only species that kill for sport.

    I know you prolly love your cat but isn't it scary that it would nonchalantly subject that amphibian to some waterboarding if it could?

    Your petit chat prolly gave you a sideways glance when you released his victim..
    a felid version of "whatev"

    If you lived in Australia and that had been a Cane Toad (which produce frothy pioisonous foam on their back when tormented) it would have been a very different evening.

  2. donn ~ welcome. I think she's just feeling guilty. I have a pond and a batch of Prince Charmings I'm waiting to reach adulthood before I start kissing them in earnest. Unfortunately, she likes patting them...I suppose it cuts down on the numbers I have to pucker up to.

    As you can see, I am an optimist. One day, my prince will come.

  3. (I want to LOL but I'm not a LOL'er. You get the gist).

    I love my sleep to but unfortunately my prince charming likes to go to bed late, so I can see why you didn't kiss yours. At least not this time.

  4. The cat we've ended up with goes mental for frogs. Chases them around the garden and everything.

    Its cute, but it'd be less cute if she was bringing them in. I envisage us chasing it around the house to get it back into the garden!

  5. I only USED to have a pond...that was 10 years or more back...there isn't another in the neighbourhood ... yet regularly my cats bring me frogs... (or worse still attempt to kill them... you ever hear a frog scream? Terrible sound) ...

    And if I shoo them out, the cats go looking for them anew... I have to secure the cats, covertly take out the unfortunate amphibians and conceal them elsewhere...there's this shrubbery in an adjoining street...

  6. I'm a bit concerned that you were stark bollock naked.

  7. You have such a way of putting things Roses, I loved this. x

  8. Fletch the Letch2:03 pm

    If I got down on my haunches and muttered "ribbet" do you think I'd fit through your cat flap?

  9. bag lady ~ welcome. You're more than welcome to lol if you like. Good to know it's not just me that values my beauty sleep.

    beth ~ I must admit, it's not restful having a smoke, while she tries to pat the frogs.

    cogidubnus ~ sounds like you've got proper hunters. She is a fair weather beast and doesn't normally creep off my bed to go a huntin'. I'm hoping she's not going to make a habit of it.

    rog ~ I wondered who was going to lower the tone. Normally, that's cogidubnus, he's slipping up.

    b*e*g ~ what can I say? My brain works in mysterious ways.

    fletch the letch ~ depends. If you bring round a decent bottle of wine, just knock on the door. Welcome by the way.

  10. So glad it wasn't me.
    With my phobia I'd have been outa there screaming - bollock naked or not.

  11. kaz ~ being in a city of frog's leg eaters can't have been comfortable for you.

  12. "I wondered who was going to lower the tone. Normally, that's cogidubnus, he's slipping up."

    What's in a name? See...if I sign off as cogidubnus, I get scolded...

    If, on the other hand, I cunningly disguise myself as Fletch the Letch, I get every encouragement....

    See (sniff) familiarity does breed contempt (sob)...

  13. cogidubnus ~ sneaky. Very sneaky.

  14. Well puss has to practice hunting just us humans keep spoiling their practice :-))

    At least they do not try and lick your face after eating the bird/rat/frog like a dog would do. Or even worse lick their ar*e and then try and lick your face.
    My dogs learn when young do not even consider doing that.

  15. vetnurse ~ wibbs looks too ladylike to do anything so uncouth!

  16. I'm back home now, if you want to send me an e-mail about seed-meets.

    Hmm. That sounds slightly rude. If I say meeting up to exchange seeds does that sound any better?

    Didn't think so.

  17. dave ~ give me a week to get myself together, I've been neutered and am still feeling a bit sore and fragile.

    I will use the time to think of a suitably smutty and witty reply.


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