It was a late Sunday evening in February, when Boy came back from his dad's. I was sprawled on the couch and Boy came and sat next to me.
Our conversation started out as the one every mother dreads.
"You will still love me, won't you?" He started.
"Of course I love you." Says I with a sinking heart.
"I mean, you'll love me, whatever..." his voice trailed off.
Oh dear Goddess, thought I. Take a deep breath and face the disaster.
"I mean, you will..."
"Boy, it's late. You have school in the morning, I have to go to work. Spit it out!"
"I'm gay." He says in a small voice.
"Oh, is that all," I say, relief pouring through me. "I thought you were going to say something awful."
My Boy. My wonderful, bright Boy.
It's a feeling words do not adequately express. I am so proud of him. It has taken awhile to post about this, because it's such a personal thing. We have talked about the fluidity of sexuality at this age and that he may change in the future. At the end of the day, it's who he is, and all that matters is how much I love him and how proud I am of him.
Could I have been more proud when he marched with the Norwich Pride this summer? No, I really don't think so.
Pretending to be heterosexual would have been the easiest course for him. But no. My Boy has the courage to be himself. There are adults of my age who deny themselves and I am saddened for them.
This is a new world for us both. I don't have the gay best friend to guide us, and actually that's fine. The Norwich Pride has welcomed us both. It's meant I've had a lot to adjust to, after all, but it's all good. This is probably the best time in this society to be gay. What has been amazing is the support of our friends and family. His dad loves him to bits.
It is such a shame that coming out is such a heartbreaking experience for so many people. This is a wonderful world in which we live and there should be enough space for everyone. There has been so much I've taken for granted. For me to walk down the street, holding hands with the one I love. I can't imagine what it must be like, not to be able to express my love.
In a way it's quite ironic. I am now the black sheep of my family. The marginalised. My birth mother is gay, my son is gay. I'm the only heterosexual. Ach, the shame!
Bank Holiday Sunday
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Dayle our eldest son came to ours one night last summer, very drunk because hed been living with 'his secret' and needed us to know. His words werent mixed "I know you will hate me dad and not want me round anymore but i need to tell you both something so you know who i am, im gay ". I thought it was going to be something terrible liked he'd murdered someone!
ReplyDeleteIt must have been worrying him as he needed a drink to come out with it, but from that night we never looked back, it brought us all much closer. Hes loved so much here its untrue, It doesnt matter what sexual preferences people have, what colour skin or what beliefs, it doesnt change them as people or matter, but the need for honesty by him speaks volumes.
We are lucky having children that feel they can talk to us about anything.
We are blessed ..
He's not even my son and I'm so proud of him for being able to come out - especially being so young. I would never have doubted that you'd be any less than 100% supportive but I'm so pleased to hear that everyone else is too.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend came out at about 21 and his family are very supportive and are extremely welcoming to his partner (I can't blame them, he's a darling) but his partner's father is awful. I haven't met him myself, but the stories I've heard make him sound like an absolute bastard about it all. I can't imagine not having the support of my parents in my lifestyle choices and I find it odd that as a parent, his father would want anything less than for his son to be the happiest he could be.
Anyway, enough of the bad stuff. Here's hoping the boy finds himself a nice fella soon.
In fact, here's hoping that for all three of us! xx
b*e*g ~ I had to re-read your comment, because the first time, my eyes filled up.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much love in our world.
beth ~ you snuck in there while I was wiping my eyes!
ReplyDeleteThank you my darling.
Here's to all of us!
Oh god Roses... You should feel so good about the way you handled that... My brother's gay and could never come out to my (widowed and rather oddly fundamentalist-christian) mother...
ReplyDeleteYears after the family disintegrated I did actually tell her ... her reaction was "Oh well, perhaps he's normal by now"... which I felt, to some extent, justified his decision.
You did SO good girl...
What a lovely story - you handled it so well. Your Boy is so lucky to have a mother like you.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of both of you.
ReplyDeleteYou handled it the only way you ever would have - with love for you Boy. I can imagine it's not been straight forward but the simple fact remains. He is your child and (after how many hours in labour?!) all you can ever do is love him for the amazingly smart, funny and caring Boy he is. It's a testament to your relationship, that he felt he could tell you rather than bury himself in a lie.
As for Boy. How could my love for him change? If anything, I have a deeper respect for him.
Love to you both x
I'm so impressed with the Boy's maturity.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have doubted that you would have reacted in any other way - it is only sad to think that there are parents who would handle it differently.
cogidubnus ~ thank you. I'm so sorry that your brother could never really be himself with your family. At least you knew and were supportive.
ReplyDeletepj ~ I'm sure I drive Boy nuts, so he may disagree with you on that one. But as I'm the only mother he's got, I'll have to do.
hottie ~ hey gorgeous. Thank you. We have so many wonderful people in our lives. We are blessed.
sanddancer ~ I'm sure he knew in his heart of hearts, that his being gay, made no difference to me. But, I suppose there was always that worry.
And yes, some of his friends haven't been so lucky. A father of a friend, wants his son to get 'treatment for his condition'. Appalling really.
As others have said I can't imagine you reacting in any other way!
ReplyDeleteYou must be so proud of boy for opening up to you but also you should give yourself a huge pat on the back that you have created such a loving environment for your boy that he trusted you enough to tell you and that you and boy have such an open, trusting and supporting relationship...so many families don't have that...and as a soon to be parent, I only hope i can do as well for my child...
*goes off to crap herself about parenting skills*
nm ~ being a parent rocks, especially when you think you get it right. When you get it wrong, a hug and 'sorry' soon puts things right way up again.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment we're putting together his flat-pack desk. Slightly worrying should anyone else listen into our conversation. Boy has my sense of humour and we are being very juvenile...I know what his excuse is, I'm just not sure about mine.
At least you dont stick on your fellas pants outside of your jeans like i did yesterday ~ Ryan had his mates round who were all taking the mickey out of me, so i did just that! it worked brilliantly they all left bright red faced!.
ReplyDeletejuvenile is allowed, its such good fun at times..even ryan had to admit i got him good with that one...
Cant wait til the girlfriends come...hehe
b*e*g ~ you're a wicked woman. Shame on you! That's why we love you. x
ReplyDeleteim bored Roses do you and your friends fancy playing a game with a dizzy blonde today?
ReplyDeleteI took my camera outside this afternoon to take a photo of some of the birds that have taken up residence in my garden...(im supposed to be working but bored)
my house is getting nuttier by the day... lol