Working for a Living

What can I say? I'm knackered. This working for a living business is tough. Even though I worked in the office over the summer, so I had some idea of what I was letting myself in for, I have been struggling to make the jump from Orange Woman to Office Biatch.

When you work with women, especially in the Orange Industry, they notice things. If you've changed your lippy, eye-liner or have a new shirt - they'll spot it and give their tuppence worth. I've got used to walking onto the shop floor and be greeted with 'good lipstick'. Now, working in an office, they only comment I get is whether the coffee is too strong. They don't care what I look like as long as I don't turn up in jeans.

Today, I've been hit by the 'am I doing a good job' neuroses? What if they're regretting taking me on? What if they think everything that I've done so far - sucks? My job description changes every day and I'm scrabbling round trying to learn this new sector I find myself in. After all, there really is no difference between £160 face cream and £16,000 eco-heating solution, is there? Today, I felt I was sliding off the wrong side of the learning curve. I'm very aware that this the private sector where they can hire and fire on a whim and I really, really don't want to fuck this up. I want to do my job and do it welll.

When I interupt my hyperventilating, and rationalise, I tell myself that it's still very early days. I just have to do what I say I'm going to do, keep my head down and learn the job. I have to give myself time and trust that they saw my potential, and although I don't feel it at the moment, I will do it. I will achieve my potential.


  1. You worked there for ages before they took you on, relatively speaking.

    Even if it was a different role, you still get an idea for how someone responds in that sort of atmosphere. If you ask them to do something, can they do it?
    If they need to ask a question, will they ask it, or will they sit like a lemon until you ask them how they're getting on?
    If they say they'll do something, can you expect them to really do it?

    They wouldn't have taken you on full-time if they weren't happy with your performance.
    Changing of job descriptions is more likely down to them not knowing what they want than anything else. I mean good grief, look at that - they wanted you full-time so badly, they didn't even know what they wanted you to do, but they wanted to take you on! :)

    I think it's also not traditional office policy to lend an MR2 to the office numpty ;)

  2. As Colin says, and for all the reasons he mentions, you'll be fine...

  3. colin ~ thank you for that. I shall print off your comment and staple it to my forehead until my neuroses go away. Boy and I laughed and laughed at your phrase 'the office numpty'.

    cogidubnus ~ thanks for being my cheerleader. It's good to know you're around.

  4. Absolutely hun!

    If you couldn't do the job, they wouldn't have hired you.

    You worry about your performance because you are good and therefore have high standards, but at the same time you have to remember that you can only do that when you're set proper goals rather than fluctuating ones.

    It's a mark of how good you are that you do worry. I'd have you working for me anytime!

  5. i'm convinced you're doing a lot better job than you think, it's just your worry gnome popping by for lunch... tea.... and supper.

  6. ing ~ I have a Worry Gnome as well? Bloody hell!

  7. Hello. I agree with all the comments of the others. When I think back to the first months in my current job, I was convinced I was doing a terrible job but I can see now that I was doing fine. There were things that I thought I'd never understand but then they just click into place, sometimes without you even realising.

    In a new job it would be odd if you immediately knew everything and thought you were doing great, because it wouldn't be any kind of challenge.

  8. sanddancer ~ true. Thank you for your support. Since venting my spleen, things seem to have settled down a bit. Perhaps I'm just worrying less?


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