The Birds and the Bees

I believe my primary purpose as a parent is to prepare Boy for his life ahead as an independent, functioning adult. Last year, he and I had cause to have The Conversation about *sex*, which we both found excrutiating, but I persevered to the very end and we agreed never to have to repeat the experience.

My Viking and I were recently sharing coffee and conversation and we drifted to the issue of consent. He laughed when I said how concerned I was when the time came, that Boy realised the importance of gaining consent. I had told Boy that if a girl was pissed, even if she said 'yes' to treat it as NO, take her home, ring her again when she sobered up. My Viking's argument was that I was being unrealistic, most teenagers tend to get laid when alcohol was involved and it was unlikely that Boy would be any different. My argument was to do with the safety of the girl involved and the problem of date-rape. If a girl can't remember giving consent, because she's too pissed and realises she's had sex, I'd really rather it weren't my Boy in the dock.

Age is another issue. Have you seen teenage girls recently? They are deeply scary. How can anyone tell how old they are? They're all made up, boobs poking out everywhere, lots of flesh and not a lot of clothing. How is any bloke in a dark nightclub, supposed to know the age of the woman pressed up against him? It's not like much conversation is going on. My way round this is to advise Boy to demand to see Proof of Age. My Viking looked at me askance. He suggested that it was a bit of a passion-killer. I shrugged and wondered what the problem with that was.

Ultimately, I want to be able to issue Boy with a Consent Form and a Breathalyser, along with the packet of mega-thick, anti-viral, condoms. That way, I know he'll be completely safe. My Viking tells me I'm being over-protective and unrealistic. I suspect he's right. I know for Boy to grow up into Man, he will have to negotiate these minefields for himself. But it's a harsh world out there, and the smallest stupid choice can have such devastating consequences for all involved.

Comments

  1. Roses, I had this conversation with my boy. It was an awful experience! I was embarassed. it lasted all of er 30 seconds or one minute!

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  2. Its the one topic we dont really want to have with our kids but probably the most important, even though it was hard you have done your best, ive been touching on the same subject with Ryan, girls are coming and ringing constantly for him and they look far older than they should, theres so many STDs running riot, they have to be so careful, i admire what you did,however cringing it was youve explained what many parents bypass, which is probably why the world is what it is today..
    well done roses...
    hats off to you as a good parent.
    xxx

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  3. Seemings I don't drink, go to drunken parties and I'm not attractive.

    I think you can lay off the worrying

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  4. well done you - so many people shy away from this.

    I think in this day and age of rampant STDs, HIV, confusion around what constitutes consent, availability of alcohol and the urgency of our young people to grow up - it's a key parental responsibility even if it is an horrific and cringeworthy conversation from hell.

    I can still vividly remember squirming and desperately trying to end the conversation whilst my mum umm-ed and ahh-ed her way through her obviously pre-prepared little speech...I think the thought of that conversation and the horror it instilled - I'm cringing just thinking about it - put me off the very thought of sex for a long long time! But then again that was probably her intention!

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  5. You think it's hard with a lad ... try going through the same with girls who always like to think they already know it all - four times...

    No wonder my hair's receded so fast!

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  6. twinning ~ we cringe in solidarity.

    B*E*G ~ I have touched on the subject before, we've chatted about condoms and STDs and the necessity of regular STD check-ups. But never in such detail or length.

    SSE ~ honey, one of the greatest joys of being a parent is seeing their child as all they could and will be. You may not see yourself with all your potential, but I do. And I'm very proud.

    NM ~ I'm a great believer in information, because you would not believe what some kids get up to. *shudders*

    cogidubnus ~ I'm so glad I've just got a boy. It's a lot simpler I tell you.

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  7. Rose the thing I admire about you is that you don't shy away from things. You tell it like it is and overcome your own discomfort to ensure that Boy has all the information and will act approriately. I hope when I have children I have that honest relationship with them that you and Boy have. It's beautiful to see.

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