Meltdown

The next time someone says 'it can't get any worse', just kick them and say it's from me.

Today, I had a meltdown at work. I got into work on time, I was looking forward to being back and getting stuck in...and then I had to sort out my diary until Christmas. I've agreed to take on extra days for the festive period and both me and my colleague who was trying to sort it out got more and more stressed. The only way I can take on the extra days is if I work 5 days a week. Not a problem, especially when I finish college in the second week in December. But it's a huge problem in November and October, especially since I've got a day every week at college. Somehow I've got to get it together to do my 5 days, my day at college and do homework and paperwork for both, keep my household running and maintain relationships with my Boy and my Viking. Which, at the moment, it looks like I can book time off to spend with them in 2008...no I'm not kidding.

On my break I called Gee and howled down the phone at her. Bless her, despite her own committments she's agreed to keep an eye on us and make sure we're occasionally fed. I then rang my Viking to see what his plans are for Christmas (he's working, of course) and howled down the phone to him. I then sniffed, mopped and went back to the shop floor whereby my colleague, let's call her Janie, looked at me, asked 'are you alright?' and I promptly lost it.

How professional am I? I got led to my manager's office and bearing in mind that this is the 2nd day I've met her (we've had a re-structure last week) and cried for half an hour on her shoulder. Oh boy. We've agreed that I will only take on what I can and they won't stress at me. All in all, I've had a rubbish day. The fact of the matter is I have to do the extra days. I need the money. I suppose there are times that I feel my single-parent, orphan status very keenly. Today, was one of those days; and I'm allowed. I don't have a husband/partner to carry the burden, my family is in Trinidad and this is the first Christmas I have without both my Mum and Pops.

But I am also really lucky, there is a plus side. I have friends who are there for me, who are prepared to do practical things for me, like babysit, wash my dishes, hand me a glasses of red wine. I have a my Viking who talked me down from teary to smiles this evening, he understands about retail, Christmas and madness and we've promised each other we'll do something lovely after the madness is all over.

There are two rainbows soaring over my rainy day (literally and figuratively). The first is thanks to the fabulous Samantha at Miller Harris who said I could have a bottle of Geranium Bourbon for my own self. It arrives tomorrow. I can't wait to get my grubby mitts on it. It is my favourite fragrance. I just love selling it. While it does not hold mass appeal, those who love it, really love it; I think that's fine.

The second is my retail therapy. I've been working in the SkinSpa area today. Korres are a young Greek award-winning company that do amazing bath, body and face products. They create products that are kind to your skin and kind to the environment. With the shuffle around at work, we've been able to carry more of their range, which of course has meant more temptation for me. Today I bought their Fig Shower Gel to go with the Fig Body Butter, which I've already got sitting on my dressing table.

After the wet walk back from work, Boy and I met in the Pub Over the Wall had a couple of pints of coke and a good a chin wag. We came home, I hit the shower, pampered and slathered myself to a glass of naughtiness and chatted to my Viking. I now feel human again, if slightly stupid at my meltdown. But this is how it is at the moment. Perhaps it may not be me at my best, but I will get there. And however shitty I feel today, tomorrow is another day pregnant with possibilities.