Stayin Alive

No, I haven't dropped off the edge of the world. I've been doing a 4 day stint per week and it's killing me; even if it is fun and highly entertaining. I've basically ignored my kitchen and laundry for two weeks. When I finish my 4 days this week, I have another 4 days next week and then I'll be starting my proper, regular employment as well as college. Coupled with low energy levels since I came back from Trinidad, life has felt a bit like hard work recently.

I'm also a bit nervous about the MA. Not quite sure why, I obviously wasn't worrying about it when I was filling in the application form. I'm just worrying about it now. I'm hoping I will like the people on the course with me. I'm hoping even more that they will be the sort of people who are interested, engaged and prepared to invest their energy. See, I am an optimist.

I've also found my social skills are being challenged somewhat of late; bearing in mind that basically, I have none. I'm blunt and straight to the point. I despise game playing and social fannying about. If someone has a problem with me, I'd rather they say so to my face rather than whinge about the situation behind my back. It seems that because I'm working in a department store and easily accessible people think they can sound off on their personal lives. Which is a bit off-pissing when they then get stroppy with me because I'm only interested in the social niceties. This has happened to me twice, the second time yesterday, when an innocent enquiry after wife and children led to the history of his drinking problem and the fact he's back living with his parents, and how come I didn't know that and had to ask difficult questions?

Perhaps I should start going to their place of work and off-loading my personal life? See how they like that. Next time I won't bother to ask 'how are you?', maybe I'll just say 'hi' and leave it at that.

I will just share this with you. This happened to me Saturday and even if I sat at my PC for two days straight with a bottle of red, I would have never believed that it could happen.

I get into work (on time) at 9.30. I move over to the men's section to straighten up and just check that all is well with testers etc. I try to begin my working day checking out the stock because there are so many new lines coming in at the moment, things get moved around, squished about and I need to know where things are for when the customers ask. It also means I can do my own thing and look busy while being fairly unsociable and brain dead first thing.

9.45 an elderly gentleman walks towards me and asks my assistance. He was tall, dressed in a green tweed jacket, white polo neck jumper and a cane. The hair on his head had obviously slipped down to cover the front of his face. In other words he was very attractive - not. He wanted to try the whole range of Bulgari fragrances, he had a sample given to him earlier in the week, which he left at home. Very useful, especially since he can't remember the name of the fragrance he liked and wanted to purchase. So we work our way through the line, me spraying the fragrance onto cardboard testing strips and handing them to him. Half way through the process he turns to me opens his jacket, flasher fashion and says:

"I put some under my armpits. Perhaps you could have a smell and see which fragrance it is."

Not being funny or anything, but I get paid minimum wage. That's £5.40 an hour to sell fragrances to joe bloggs. I am not paid enough to go sniffing some old geezer's armpits. If Jason Statham turned up with the same request, my response would be the same.

"I'm sorry, no. I won't."

As I was declining this dubious pleasure a flash of movement by his ear caught my eye. It was a small, black spider busily crawling it's way back up the side of his ear.

I wonder in which reality it's appropriate to ask shop floor staff to sniff your armpits? Because it sure as hell isn't appropriate in mine.