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I've been looking at the job paper and I'm fast losing the will to live. Lots of sales stuff, completely above board I'm sure. Do I want a career that will start me off at £200 per week? Yes, of course I do. Do I believe that by delivering catalogues I'll be able to do it? Especially since I don't have a car? Ummm...no. There are those of you who will say I'm being very fussy, after all, there is no shame plucking and gutting turkeys on the run-up for Christmas, and it pays well. I know people who did it for a short space of time and people who do it for a living. I'm not that screwed up thanks. Looking at turkey's guts is not my idea of a good time. I know it needs to be done (though many vegetarians will disagree, don't shoot me, remember your argument about all life is sacred), but I'm glad it doesn't need to be me.

Out of curiosity, I've been looking at the Soulmates ads in the Grauniad. I can't help it. I find them fascinating. Men and Women trying to order partners, like they'd order a pizza (yeah and I'd like chicken wings on the side with BBQ sauce). The list of things they'd like from ethnicity, education to spirituality, it goes on and on. But it never seems to cover the important stuff that make or break relationships. Questions that we all wished had got answered sooner, rather than later. "When you're pre-menstrual does the cat move out?" and "When I'm pissed I think I'm a blind Romeo on steroids. Is it likely to be problem if I wake up in a cell with someone called Tracey after a night out with the lads?"

Craig's List personals has me rolling around the floor crying. Not only do you have the 'normal' ads, they cater for the spicier side of sexuality. Need a gimp, slave or a dominatrix? A guy put it out that he was willing to pay £80 for a pair of ladies knickers still warm. I realise now why I am unsuccessful with men. I am just dead boring.