Monday, March 18, 2013

Adventures in Hair Removal

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am hairy. It's a fact. I can't get around it, it's just the way it is.

I blame it on my genetic heritage: part caucasian, part East Indian, part...??? If I was a dog, in  Trinidad I'd be known as a Pot Hound (because when you rattle the pot, the dog comes running), everywhere else I'd be known as a mongrel. Along with stubbornness (both sides) and a flair for creativity (father's side), I have inherited the hairy gene.

There are the upsides. I have a full head of hair. It's thick with a tendency to curl. I'm not sure who I can blame on the early grey part, I was 23 when I first noticed a smattering o hairs when I was pregnant with Boy. 

I wouldn't mind so much; if only it was limited to the top of my head.

If I didn't shave my legs and arms every day, darlings I resemble the Amazon rainforest: walking tree covered in foliage. Honestly.

One of the things they don't tell you when you're a wee baby girl, is that when you turn a certain age, hair starts sprouting over your top lip and on your chin. And they aren't tiny, subtle hairs either. I'm talking long, thick and wiry. If I didn't deal with the hair on the top of my lip every week, I could have a full-waxed handle-bar that would Edwardian men cry.

My hairline begins just above my eyebrow.

You'll note I used singular. You see, I have only one eyebrow that goes straight across my forehead. Frida Kahlo, you pre-pubescent girl. Call that facial hair?! Hah!


Frida Kahlo - self portrait with monkeys

There's a very persuasive feminist argument that says shaving is bad. It's a hair-less dogma dictated by society and the media to reduce women to adolescent girls. After all, hair is a sign of sexual maturity.

There's part of me going: Right On Sistah! But I view feminism as giving women choices and the right to make up their own minds about their bodies and how they live their lives. So, yes I'm very sympathetic to the pro-body hair argument, but honestly, it's not for me. I just don't like how it feels.

There are very few hair removal techniques I haven't tried: shaving, waxing, threading and hair removal creams. Epilators have never appealed, I've looked at no-no and the reviews don't match the marketing and I haven't won the lottery to afford laser.

Thanks to the my economic situation, I have had to come up with crafty ways to be hair-free. I tried hair removal cream [if you aren't drinking or eating anything and are in the privacy of your own home, have a look at these reviews for Veet for Men. They are live on Amazon and bloody hilarious] and the results have been less than helpful.

I don't mind having my forehead and eyebrows waxed. It's over and done within seconds and it's perfect. If the beautician is using good products and a soothing aftercare lotion, you don't end up with fuchsia strips instead of eye shadow.

There are threading booths around Norwich that don't charge a lot. You can rock up, they do you there and then and et voila! Two lovely sculpted eyebrows!

Or at least that's what should happen.

I don't like threading. It hurts, takes ages and can cut the delicate skin around my eyes. You've got to pull the skin taut, which for me is an exercise in frustration given I moisturise and I wear contact lenses. 

Yesterday, I rocked up at the threading booth and sat down to have two eyebrows. I am less than pleased with the results. She dispensed with two-thirds of my eyebrow and has left me with two thin angular lines. It looks like they were drawn on with a ruler and a set-square. Honestly, they make me look like I'm cross.

Oh wait. I am cross.

It's no good. I am just going to have to learn how to pluck the damned things myself. That way, the next time I end up with two thin lines, it'll be no one else's fault but my own. 

Humpf.

20 comments:

  1. Don't be silly love, you look great!

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    1. Thank you sweetheart.
      xx

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  2. You look just fine, and I'll give you a hug in person tomorrow! xxx

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    1. Bless your heart. You're so kind.

      I didn't post this to fish for compliments...I was having a good old rant!

      Now I feel all mushy.

      Awww....

      Yay for hugs! xxx

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  3. They look a little thin but they look fine. I've seen a lot worse.

    By the way, a lady never talks about hair. It is just miraculously not there. Always.

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    1. 'A little thin' dear Gods man, they could be chevrons!

      Ah yes. I thought we'd discussed that. I'm not a lady.

      ;-)

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    2. They're not *that* thin!

      One should always aspire to become a lady.

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    3. They're a lot thinner than I'd like.

      My aspiration is to be financially sustainable.

      It's too late to be lady-like.

      If my mother couldn't beat it in to me, you have no chance. You'll just have to accept this.
      xxx

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  4. I can SO damn well commiserate!
    I am so ashamed of my whiskers on my chin. I am a 40 something goat ffs!!!

    When you said you looked angry, I couldn't help but think of this! ;op

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    1. See! Women of a certain age. It's so depressing.

      Mind you, men have hairs that sprout from their ears and noses and that's gross.

      I loved the pic. I did a LOL.

      :-)

      Or rather -

      |:-)

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  5. I think your eyebrows look fine, nothing to worry about. And I've already said that I love your hair!

    Laser treatment is good, but as you say still very expensive.

    It's still a big taboo to talk about women's body hair, but I know there are lots of women with heavy body hair so why not discuss it? This myth of hairless, silky-skinned females needs to be disposed of.

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    1. Thank you darling. You are a sweetie.

      I think you're absolutely right. We do need to debate it, especially with teenagers (girls and boys).

      But for me, it also boils down to the wider debate on feminism that needs more voice.

      xx

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  6. I think the term "Exotic Island Beauty" is more appropriate!

    PS: I personally don't care what color my hair turns as long as it stays in place!

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    1. I <3 u!

      What a lovely thing to say.

      xxx

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  7. I also suffer from female hirsuitism, Roses.... I inherited the Viking gene for hairiness from my dad. My mum was virtually hairless except for her (gorgeous deep auburn) head. I, however, also have extremely sensitive skin. I am allergic to cream depilatories, and break out horribly with waxing (and then get ingrown hairs everywhere). I have resorted to a men's electric razor, as the women's ones are too wimpy. I use it on my legs and face (chin and lip hairs be damned!!). The only place I use a razor with blades is the underarms.

    I do have one thing to be thankful for, though... Most of the hair is very fair.

    Learn to pluck your eyebrows yourself. Saves you money, and you can shape them as you wish. Start now, while things are thinned out. As those pesky little hairs start sprouting, yank them out and shape our brows to suite your face. You can do it, I know you can!!!

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    1. I didn't realise Vikings are particularly hairy. Shows what I know. Yes, fair is much less obnoxious.

      I use a men's electric razor for my forehead. I'd rather my hairline started a few inches above my eyes. I didn't think about using it for my legs and arms. Hmm....

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  8. Ponita is right, use this as an opportunity to learn diy. I'm lucky in that my body hair is pale and fine and has diminished as I've got older, but I've still got thick hair on my head where it belongs (and wildly unshaped eyebrows at present). But it's the occasional whisker that bemuses me. What is that about?

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    1. Those whiskers are misplaced eyebrow hairs! ;-) They've lost their way and strayed south, damn them! I've too many to pluck. So the electric razor is it. I'd love to have laser hair removal but apparently it doesn't work very well on fair hair and fair skin. Much better on dark hair/light skin.

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    2. Z - I think I'm going to let my eyebrows grow out, go to someone who knows what they're doing and then use the right shape to DIY pluck. That way I'll have the right shape to start with.

      Ponita - I didn't know that about laser. Unfortunately, I still haven't won the National Lottery, so I'll persevere with my usual until then.

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  9. Z and ponita are absolutely correct! get them done professionally and buy the best tweezers you can afford and jut maintain the line! xoxoxox

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