It's All About the Attitude

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me share this pearl of wisdom with you: I have an attitude problem. I have been told that from an early age. It used to make me think I should curb my tongue and try to play nice. Last year, after my dad died, the Editor in My Head took a long vacation. While she was away it got me thinking that actually, my attitude problem stems from my view of Reality and my upfront communication style. You see, I lack the social graces which enable other people to eat dog shit and say 'mmm...yummy'. I would be the child in the crowd going 'why is the Emperor naked'.

My attitude problem cut short a promising career in local government, where there are a lot of naked people, doing stuff because that's the way they've always done it, and they need to been seen to be doing shit, rather than actually doing shit.

It's not that I lack compassion. I understand that Life is hard. It's nasty, brutish and fucking short. Actually, it's probably because that's my understanding of Life, that I take the view: you don't like something, do something about it. And if the doing something is hard, then take one step at time. Try, don't whinge. In this, people may argue I also do a lot of whinging. Damn straight. I'm a champion whinger. But, I'm also a champion trier. I take my stubborness, my attitude problem, and I get up in the morning and try to find a different way.

That's why NLP has been so awesome for me. It was co-created by Richard Bandler who is the epitomy of Attitude. He is obnoxious, profane, stubborn and committed. He is my role model. He accepts nothing, he questions everything. He is also one of the most compassionate people I've ever met. I've seen him take people in the midst of meltdown, get them to stop and do something different and be the better and happier for it. He would not win a popularity competition and he's alright about it too.

Life is not about being liked. It's about living to your values.

Last weekend, I bumped into one of my cohort from May. He said to me that the NLP course had cost him long-standing friendships. After 25 years of listening to the same whinges, he couldn't do it anymore. After all, friendships are ultimately about shared experience and values. When your values have shifted to problem solving and Living the Dream, spending time with someone who goes over the same old shit, becomes tedious and boring.

I'm not great with conflict. I don't like it. It de-stabilises me internally. I'd rather run away. However, NLP has taught me that conflict is an opportunity to clear the air. It shows that something within the relationship isn't working and with courage can be sorted out. It requires, however two things: a clear vision of my values and the ability to take personal responsibility for my behaviour.

I am not always in the right. I defend my right to make mistakes, to fuck things up royally, to get things wrong. That's how I learn. I'm pretty sure that's how other people learn too. One of the things I love doing is learning. It's one of my core values. It gets me out of bed in the morning all excited and enthused. And I'm not fussy about what I learn: ground source heat pumps, fragrance, economic development, creative writing, finance. It's all fodder to me.

Relationships are endlessly fascinating to me: what makes people get up in the morning, how and who they love, how they solve their problems. I particularly like awkward, stubborn people; in fact the more awkward and stubborn the better. I like character. Some relationships are for Life, some relationships are just in The Moment. Usually, it's how people deal with and resolve conflict that determines this.

There's a little storm brewing in blogland. Someone feels they have a grievance against me. Instead of picking up the phone and saying 'Roses, you've been a bit of a bitch.' They've chosen to take the passive-aggressive route and their recent blogging has been filled with hints, innuendo and a whole heap of Woe is Me. That their behaviour has been the root of their current problems, seems to currently have slipped under the radar completely.


Me? I have other things to do with my time. This is as much space as I am prepared to devote to the issue. I needed to have a vent. And this has been it. If said person wants to step up and do something different, then great, I'm here. If they choose to continue to whinge and whine and pick over the corpse, that's fine too. I'm cool either way.



  1. I wish I was more direct sometimes... but being direct always seems to be my last chosen course of action. If it was my first course of action then possibly things wouldn't drag on and on and I would save myself hell of a lot of stress.
    I must learn this lesson and remember it.

  2. ms scarlet ~ I've decided, I'm lazy. Therefore, being direct saves effort, aggro and the brain power to try and dance around a subject.

    Say it as it is sistah!

    Dr Seuss has oft been quoted:

    Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I'm more of a peacemaker, myself. But Weeza once sent me a list of 'office aphorisms', and the one that has stuck with me is "The meaning of a communication is the response it elicits."

    Sorry, put in Weeza's name by mistake!

  5. z ~ very true. I like that. I don't think there's time to peacemake and then there's opportunity to sort stuff out. It seems that pandering to this individual's quirks has actually led to this current situation; it's not improved anything. And actually has led to a general feeling of fed-upness and frustration.

  6. As someone after my own heart once said, "If you've got nothing good to say about someone ....let's hear it"

  7. rog ~ good quote.

    I can always be relied upon to say the thing that really, shouldn't be said. Oops.


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