This is Your Wake-Up Call, Roses

Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems there is a theme for September and it is: Get thy Arse into Gear. Long-term readers know of my previous difficulties with my Bank Manager. Uncaring bastard does not appreciate I need to fund my lavish life-style of sparkly things, fine fragrance, coffee and fine dining. Neither does he recognise my wish to play my part in rescuing the British Retail Industry, which of course, I do from an entirely selfish and caring stand point. I know, I know, always thinking of others over myself and my needs.

This morning, he wouldn't let me use my plastic. Now, until the banks open tomorrow, I won't know why. It might be that it's just a glitch as my account changes from one form to another, or it could be that I've just simply spent too much (cause I do that).

Whatever the cause, it didn't change that lovely oh fuck feeling that swept over me.

I squeaked at Gee and we arranged I could go and whinge at her, drink coffee and smoke half a hundred-weight of tobacco. Because she was being a good friend, I washed and put on clean clothes. I know, I know, I'm such a good friend. But I think if you're going to whinge at someone for self-generated problems, being well presented is only polite.

But as I was throwing laundry in the washing machine, as the bath was running a thought occurred to me. I have a choice here. I can't change the fact my card went NO! but I can change my reaction to the circumstances. I can change my state. So, I did. Beating myself up would be counter-productive and frankly, not very truthful of me. I have loved spending every last penny, the last couple of years. I love my house, the clothes, the sparkly bits and my shiny car. Please don't think I'm living in splendour...I'm not. But for a long, long time I haven't had to think about buying a £30.00 pair of jeans or a £6.00 bunch of sparkly bracelets. I could over-react and run around like a headless-chicken. But I'm not going to.

I am going to continue doing what I'm doing. I'm going to set up my NLP practice, write some courses, tout around for business. This is all about generating a further income for myself. This is about me doing stuff for me.

And yes, I am cutting down on my spending. I'm well versed in living hand to mouth. Lord knows I've had enough practise at it. The thing is, I've needed the last couple of years to focus on me and getting myself sorted. I've come through this period, a helluva lot stronger and more together than I was when I went into it. I have learnt so much about Life, me and my relationships with other people.

The money thing, is not really about lack of money, it's about focusing on my Bliss and putting it out there. It's about bringing everything into alignment: my values and my skills and how I live. It's about not using money as an excuse not to engage with everyday things. It's about not Procrastinating.

I am really excited. It's all about rising to the Challenge. What can I do for myself? Not only that, what can I do to make it Fun? I don't want to adopt the air of a martyr - oh woe is me, I'm broke. Although, my safety-net enabled me to get my head sorted, it also divorced me from my Get Up and Go. I got to sit, stare at my navel and make cups of tea for the Self-Pity Gnome. Yeah, I needed to do that shit then. No, I don't need to do that shit anymore.

Yeah, I'm scared. But you know what? Fear and excitement are right next to each other and they mean I'm doing something different, something a bit risky. And fuck it. I'm going to do it anyway.