Must Like Cats and Teenagers

I knew I was flirting this morning, when I started going through my Questionnaire. Yes, I have a Questionnaire that I interrogate all potentials with first or during the Getting-to-Know-You Stage, if I've done my usual 'jump first and ask questions later' routine.

I was indulging in breakfast at my favourite eatery, sitting next to a rather cute Chiropodist. We've met there in the past, he's on his own and is quite good company, recently divorced and finding his single feet. No, I don't have any serious designs on him (or anyone else for that matter). But as I'm still breathing, I flirt. I am not proud, I will flirt with anyone of any sex. Flirting lets people know we're alive and attractive and alls well in the world.

Anyway, I digress; during the course of our conversation, I realised I have a checklist to run through any potential amoures. Now, even though some of these are Yes/No answers, there isn't a wrong answer. And it's important to stress this, it just means there maybe some mitigation which needs to happen to ensure harmony prevails.

1. Are you a morning person? Obviously, I am not. A person waking up bright and chirpy next to me at an early part of the day, will need to exit bed promptly, and make me coffee. Proper coffee. And leave me alone to wake up.

2. Marmite? Or as someone recently put it, 'yeast infection in a jar'. Personally, I loathe it. However, I will make an exception and buy some, but brush your teeth after eating if you're expecting any mouth on mouth action with me.

3. Cat or Dog? I don't mind either, but obviously, I have the Cat. And by the way, she really doesn't like being picked up, so don't try and pick her up. You'll only irritate her and me. There are no exceptions to this rule.

4. Dark or Milk chocolate? I do occasionally like chocolate, but more often than not I can leave it. When I do have it; I like it dark. Very dark. So dark, you put a square in your mouth and you have no saliva, it's that dark.

5. Soft centers or Nuts? I like nuts [insert smutty or observational comment about my friends], I do not like soft centers. Any boxes of chocolates tends to have strawberry, orange, coffee, toffee creams left over. I do however, like truffles. Especially from Hotel Chocolat.

6. Olives, sun dried tomatoes, anchovies? I like to know whether I have to share beforehand. I can share. But it's far better to buy two lots, so you can have your own that I can help myself to, once I've finished mine.

7. Red or white wine? I drink only red. White wine gives me indigestion, to the point where it feels like a heart attack. I do however, keep a bottle of pale sherry in the fridge. Yes, I know it makes me seem like a little old lady. I don't care. I like a snifter every now and then. And that's how the Spanish drink it.

8. Rom Coms or Action films? You'll be going to a Rom Com by yourself, with your gay friends or with your best friend. You won't be going with me.

9. Rhubarb? Because it's all for you if you like that shit. I don't eat anything that requires me shaving my teeth after eating. Oh yeah, I'm not keen on okra either, but if it's curried to death in dry spices, I will eat it. After getting very drunk.

10. PJs or nekkid for bedtime? I get cold and tend to wrap myself around the nearest warm thing in bed. If you wear pjs, you might get a bit hot. Unless, it's mightily cold, I go au naturel. If it's cold, I have been known to wear a thermal vest, long johns and hiking socks to bed. I like being warm. Oh yeah, and my duvet is 13.5 tog, so you might not want the duvet at all. That's okay. I'll have it. And try and sleep wrapped round you.

11. Children? Unfortunately, that's not negotiable and is a deal breaker. I have taken steps to ensure I can't bear any more and a reversal ain't gonna happen in this life. However, should you have kids, that's not a problem. I quite like them, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

12. Neat and tidy or messy? If you're neat, then let's hope you're patient. I'm not. I am not domestically minded and I'm not interested in becoming so. I'm 41 years old and while I do acknowledge my need to see my bedroom floor occasionally, it's not a regular occurance. If you're messy, well, let's hope you're patient. I can't abide other peoples' mess in my own space. Hey, I never said I was reasonable or rational.
A relationship lasts not through love, or shared values or by arrangement, but by successfully both partners can resolve conflict. Therefore, by seeing where difficulties may lie beforehand, issues which require compromise can be identified and sorted out before any nasty or impatient words need to be had.

Do you have a similar list? Or is it a question of the right sex and breathing?

Comments

  1. Darling, I think we're made for each other. Except for the Marmite breath, but since we're not likely to start snogging each other, that doesn't really matter.

    Chocolate cremes are known as slimes in this house. Dilly admitted to liking them until she discovered that, and since then she's been unable to eat them either.

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  2. z ~ it's such a shame we're both rampant heterosexuals then. I'd love for you to be my wife. The way you cook....oh yeah.

    Slimes....bleugh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "a question of the right sex and breathing?"

    Mostly that as I could never be choosy.

    As to your specifications:

    1. No.
    2. Vegemite, if offered.
    3. Cat.
    4. Milk.
    5. Both.
    6. Sun dried tomatoes on pizza!
    7. Not into wine.
    8. Action, given that choice.
    9. Pass.
    10. Nekkid.
    11. One, but all grown up.
    12. Not messy at other's place.

    ReplyDelete
  4. As we already know, I match nothing on your list. Except I dislike Marmite.

    ReplyDelete
  5. lax ~ I like your list. I especially like the 'not messy at other's place'. That's the way to do it.

    dave ~ Tell me something I don't know....like what's your list? Or are you looking for the right sex and breathing?

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  6. Bitter chocolate and red wine? Can I date you? :)

    Come to think of it, we'd be fighting over that duvet so maybe not...

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  7. veggie ~ ummm...I think Z might have something to say about that. But if you're a duvet hog, I won't have to listen to you whinge about how hot you are because I use you as a hot water bottle!

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  8. Forty One?!?!?

    I thought you were much younger.

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  9. hayward ~ well, I think I'm about 23 in my head. Unfortunately, my gravity-affected body disagrees. But bless your heart.

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  10. 1) definitely not...the alarm goes and twenty minutes later I spring into masterly dithering inactivity...
    2) love marmite...call it a displacement activity...too many yraes married for lip action!
    3) cats, dogs, ducks, bring'em on...
    4) the darker the better
    5) nuts obviously (barking!)
    6) Olives and Anchovies but I like my tomatoes plump and fresh!
    7) Red generally...but only if there's a vowel in the month...
    8) Neither really unless there's loads of beautifully gratuitous vilence...
    9) Rhubarb's ok...take it or leave it...as I get older I tend to leave it...
    10 by preference nekkid, but if it's really cold layers of self preservation kick in!
    11) Love'm but after two sets of twins and a singleton, I've done my share...more than...
    12) Neat but after 25 years with a totally maddening self-confessed skut, who cares any more?

    Oh hon, you should have caught me earlier...much earlier...though you'd probably only been about seven...hem... so we'll quietly forget about that!

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  11. cogidubnus ~ you're not selling the idea of long-term relationships to me terribly well.

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  12. Hon, I thought that was the key career difference between us...I come up with these wonderful ideas and translate them into practicalities, whilst YOU market all my old rubbish :}

    ReplyDelete
  13. cogidubnus ~ I think we've had a slight mis-matching of realities. Might have something to do with your 3 brandy and cokes.

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  14. Hello :o).

    I must say, I'm not sure I have a list. So long as the personality, the sense of humour and the chemistry is there then it's all good.

    I am currently seeing someone who is the absolute opposite of what i would usually go for. So much so that on paper, I would not take a second look as personality and looks (build) he is not my type. But something must be working as we're living together happily and have talked about marriage.

    So who knows?! Maybe veering from your usual 'type' sometimes is exactly what you need to do :o).

    x.

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  15. G*N*D ~ hello gorgeous. I won't ask how you're doing, you sound well loved up!

    I normally do things on chemistry, availability and breathing, which is why I'm adopted the Lists. Time for a different approach.

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  16. Lists ...

    1) NO!
    2) NO! (Actually I do not know this stuff and I do not want to know it.)
    3) Cat.
    4) I like good chokolate.
    5) ? I like good chokolate things with nuts. No slime please.
    6) ? We'll have greek salat? Bring some feta, a cucumber and retsina. Or I'll bring it. And some of this white bread.
    7) I drink white wine.
    8) ? I hate tear jerkers.
    9) Rhubarb CAN be a nice thing on a tarte. It is generally not.
    10) I do not wear clothes in bed. I am a man.
    11) NO!
    12) Mixed. I keep a clean kitchen, and my space is not messy - your space is yours.

    No, I have no list.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Keith aka Kev9:04 pm

    Hi Roses- you don't know me except that I am Kev as in Kaz and Kev. I'm not replying in response to your post (although you do all seem to be having fun here), but because -

    Kaz/Carol (I always called her Cal, still do) always wanted the blog to be her secret, nothing threatening, just no need to justify herself to anyone, which was fine by me. But she did leave me the way to get in when she was gone so that I could let you all know, as I did.

    The few posts I looked at then were absolutely her to a tee, and coming on six months after she went I thought I should try to preserve her work in some way. I'll consult my brother about doing it properly but in the mean time I've read the whole blog (skimming the comments) and taken pages of notes. The experience has been, well, very hard to describe, but definitely a little bit like having her back for a while.

    Can you do me the favour of letting the whole bunch know how much you all meant to her - and I don't just mean towards the end, although that was magnificent. She loved her blog, and now I can fully understand why.

    Keith aka Kev

    ps Roses - I picked your name out of the list for a couple of reasons, the most obvious being the name of the place in Catalunya where we spent so much time together. I'll call back in a while. Adeu.

    ReplyDelete
  18. mago ~ there's nothing else for it - will you marry me?

    kev ~ sorry, I know that not your real name, but you're in Blogland now. I've put your comment up as a post, pop by, see the comments that will appear over the coming days from the people who love and miss your lady.

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  19. I'm dirt poor and bad with money.

    ReplyDelete
  20. mago ~ damn, rejected again. It's okay. I'm fine. I'm fine. I've just got something in my eye....

    ReplyDelete

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