Must Like Cats and Teenagers

I knew I was flirting this morning, when I started going through my Questionnaire. Yes, I have a Questionnaire that I interrogate all potentials with first or during the Getting-to-Know-You Stage, if I've done my usual 'jump first and ask questions later' routine.

I was indulging in breakfast at my favourite eatery, sitting next to a rather cute Chiropodist. We've met there in the past, he's on his own and is quite good company, recently divorced and finding his single feet. No, I don't have any serious designs on him (or anyone else for that matter). But as I'm still breathing, I flirt. I am not proud, I will flirt with anyone of any sex. Flirting lets people know we're alive and attractive and alls well in the world.

Anyway, I digress; during the course of our conversation, I realised I have a checklist to run through any potential amoures. Now, even though some of these are Yes/No answers, there isn't a wrong answer. And it's important to stress this, it just means there maybe some mitigation which needs to happen to ensure harmony prevails.

1. Are you a morning person? Obviously, I am not. A person waking up bright and chirpy next to me at an early part of the day, will need to exit bed promptly, and make me coffee. Proper coffee. And leave me alone to wake up.

2. Marmite? Or as someone recently put it, 'yeast infection in a jar'. Personally, I loathe it. However, I will make an exception and buy some, but brush your teeth after eating if you're expecting any mouth on mouth action with me.

3. Cat or Dog? I don't mind either, but obviously, I have the Cat. And by the way, she really doesn't like being picked up, so don't try and pick her up. You'll only irritate her and me. There are no exceptions to this rule.

4. Dark or Milk chocolate? I do occasionally like chocolate, but more often than not I can leave it. When I do have it; I like it dark. Very dark. So dark, you put a square in your mouth and you have no saliva, it's that dark.

5. Soft centers or Nuts? I like nuts [insert smutty or observational comment about my friends], I do not like soft centers. Any boxes of chocolates tends to have strawberry, orange, coffee, toffee creams left over. I do however, like truffles. Especially from Hotel Chocolat.

6. Olives, sun dried tomatoes, anchovies? I like to know whether I have to share beforehand. I can share. But it's far better to buy two lots, so you can have your own that I can help myself to, once I've finished mine.

7. Red or white wine? I drink only red. White wine gives me indigestion, to the point where it feels like a heart attack. I do however, keep a bottle of pale sherry in the fridge. Yes, I know it makes me seem like a little old lady. I don't care. I like a snifter every now and then. And that's how the Spanish drink it.

8. Rom Coms or Action films? You'll be going to a Rom Com by yourself, with your gay friends or with your best friend. You won't be going with me.

9. Rhubarb? Because it's all for you if you like that shit. I don't eat anything that requires me shaving my teeth after eating. Oh yeah, I'm not keen on okra either, but if it's curried to death in dry spices, I will eat it. After getting very drunk.

10. PJs or nekkid for bedtime? I get cold and tend to wrap myself around the nearest warm thing in bed. If you wear pjs, you might get a bit hot. Unless, it's mightily cold, I go au naturel. If it's cold, I have been known to wear a thermal vest, long johns and hiking socks to bed. I like being warm. Oh yeah, and my duvet is 13.5 tog, so you might not want the duvet at all. That's okay. I'll have it. And try and sleep wrapped round you.

11. Children? Unfortunately, that's not negotiable and is a deal breaker. I have taken steps to ensure I can't bear any more and a reversal ain't gonna happen in this life. However, should you have kids, that's not a problem. I quite like them, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

12. Neat and tidy or messy? If you're neat, then let's hope you're patient. I'm not. I am not domestically minded and I'm not interested in becoming so. I'm 41 years old and while I do acknowledge my need to see my bedroom floor occasionally, it's not a regular occurance. If you're messy, well, let's hope you're patient. I can't abide other peoples' mess in my own space. Hey, I never said I was reasonable or rational.
A relationship lasts not through love, or shared values or by arrangement, but by successfully both partners can resolve conflict. Therefore, by seeing where difficulties may lie beforehand, issues which require compromise can be identified and sorted out before any nasty or impatient words need to be had.

Do you have a similar list? Or is it a question of the right sex and breathing?