Annual Rant

I have to say, since I left retail, the festive season no longer fills me with The Fear. This year, I'm really looking forward to Yule and Christmas. Boy and I are in a new house, Hottie is coming to stay for the important days, there will be drunken duck and many bottles of naughtiness. I have my xmas jammies all ready. Hottie says she will be getting hers any time now.

I have already begun the festive shopping. I love Christmas shopping. Looking for the right pressie for the people I love. Even on a desperately tight budget, I still love indulging. Last week I kicked things off looking for Boy's birthday pressie. I'd sorted his main pressie the week before, but I wanted to get him some bits and pieces to unwrap. My problem is knowing where to stop. When I picked up 2 dvds, a book and a CD, I realised I was over-doing it. The good thing is that will go to his Christmas pile and already it's a small pile. Shhh...don't tell him, it's a secret!

The thing is, it's like a treasure hunt. Trying to figure out what he'd like and then scouring the shops until I find it. Sometimes, I go with no idea of what to get him and then as I walk around, I start seeing the things.

Last week, I ordered the duck from the butcher. I don't do turkey. I've said so before, I'll say it again, it's a mutual dislike. Actually, dislike is too soft a word: loathing. That's definitely more like it. We'll get veggies and munchies and fill the house with booze. My poor liver! I think I'll invest in a new tree and decorations.

I was writing this and my jaw dropped. I've been merrily preparing and planning as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Except for one thing: I haven't looked forward to Christmas for years and years.

It's always been a horrendously difficult time for me. In fact, if I'm honest, the last time I really looked forward to Christmas was when Boy was born, that's 16 years! It was around Christmas when the fallout from the disintegration from my marriage really hit. And from that point on, I was always an outsider looking in. Christmas was a time when other people celebrated their families. Bah Humbug. My family was in another country. I didn't have a steady partner/relationship to rely upon. I only had Boy every other Christmas. I was mostly flat broke.

This year, things have changed both externally and internally. We're in a new house, I have Plans for World Domination, I'm not flat broke (for once). During the summer I did some serious Demon Wrestling and Eviction. I'm not an outsider in my life anymore. This year, I have so many things to be thankful for, to celebrate. And the Winter Solstice is the perfect time to do so.