Suspension of Belief

I have a question regarding the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer.

Bearing in mind that I'm happy to buy into the whole Vampire thing. Bram Stoker's Dracula is my idea of soft porn. Darkly sexual, predatory and scary.

I'm also a fan of the early works of Anne Rice. Interview with a Vampire etc. Queen of the Damned is one of my favourite books, though I can happily leave the movies.

I'm a big fan of Buffy. Joss Whedon writes bloody good dialogue. Last night I spent happy hours on Wikiquote reading through the best quotes from the series.

The Vampire mythology, darkly sexual and predatory. Emotionally unavailable, sexy, strong what woman wouldn't want to try and tame and be tamed by tall, dark and handsome? Count me in. I'm there with my corset and black eye-liner.

So, if you were immortal, craved human blood, tell me...why would you want to spend your time in high school? I mean, not being funny or anything, but the worst part of reincarnation has got to be going through puberty yet again (ad infinitum)? Being spotty, horny, inarticulate, socially dodgy and smelly. Bleugh.

Why would you, a tall, dark and handsome immortal, want to do that? Voluntarily? Is Edward just thick? He's 90 years old and he still can't get the hang of algebra? American history? He can't manage to figure out prepositions, clauses and split-infinitives? Is this his punishment for drinking human blood? Having to repeat Grade 10 over and over again? Since when is thick as two-short-planks, sexy?

I'm as open as the next woman, to eye candy. But the thought of being seduced by a 90 year old, thick, vampire, it just doesn't work for me. Darkly brooding or no. I just can't suspend my belief enough to forego the 3 hours or so to read the book(s) or see the film. As I'm not immortal, my time is too precious for that.

Comments

  1. Good point, though the reasoning is that he became a vampire when he was 17, so he goes to high school with some of the other younger-looking vamps so that they appear to be a normal family (as normal as any inhumanly beautiful beings can look). But still, why bother with mainstream society when you're beautiful, powerful and immortal?

    I had to giggle when Bella gushes when he played piano for her. I'm no Liberace, but even I would probably attain concert pianist level if I had a century or so to practice my scales.

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  2. Me again. Last weekend I watched the first 4 True Blood episodes and read the book that it was based on. It was 100% better than Twilight - sexy, irreverent and scary. Check it out if you get the chance.

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  3. pj ~ These posts get fed through to my Facebook page, and I copped a lot of stick from mates. The argument which held the least amount of water was 'it's written for teens'.

    I still think being 90 years old and having to go through high school again is punishment.

    pj ~ I just read the first book and quite enjoyed it. At least it was consistant.

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  4. Have to agree with PJ about True Blood, much better than Twilight (or at least the screen version as I haven't read any of it). I watched the first season last year online.

    Do you really want to hear my horrible divorce story? I wouldn't advise it, lol! But unlike a lot of men I got custody, full legal guardianship, and raised my daughter myself. She's just finished uni.

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  5. ginro ~ I'll have to wait for repeats of True Blood, or scab the boxed set off someone. I'm too anal to pick up a series in the middle.

    Ah, but do you have clammy hands? That's the clincher.

    I'd be happy to hear of your dating horror stories. I can't join in the merriment, cause I haven't even been on one date. Which quite frankly is just as well.

    Good luck with your glue sniffers!

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  6. You can watch True Blood online. There's a website called Channel 131, and another called Project - Free TV.

    So far as I'm aware, the only time I have clammy hands is when I think about heights at which point I have to take my mind off it and think of other things, lol.

    I gave up dating three years ago, having had enough of it and having more important things to concern myself with. If I meet someone then great, if I don't then that's great too, lol. So I don't really have many horror stories to tell. If I did then they'd just come across as anti-women rants when I'm not anti-women at all really.

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  7. ginro ~ I'm with you on heights. I have friends in the forces who for some reason think it's really good fun to leap out of a perfectly good aircraft with a bit of silk strapped to their backs.

    Weirdos.

    Sorry to hear about your luck with the dating game. I would recommend Soulmates, in my experience, blokes tend to fair better than women.

    We're all entitled to whinge about the opposite sex. They're mostly useles...

    :-)

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  8. Twilight or Tweenlite as I call it, was tailor-made for those lost souls in the 12-20 time warp.

    Their cohorts don't care about plot holes, production values or suspension of disbelief, no wonder Hollywood makes 8 out of 10 movies for this demographic !

    These Lost Boys & Girls understand what it means to be enslaved by forces outside of your control..like hornymones and celebutante hairstyles.

    The Vampyre thingamabob is a perfect fit because Teens are nocturnal and they feel trapped by their Rents and all of their stupid rules that totally SUCK!

    I appreciate how Hollywood has made the Vampyresses to be so sexy..if they all looked like Kate (Manhands) Beckinsale or Monica Bellucci or even the Transylvanian trollops in Van Helsing...ooh those accents Dahlink...I'd smear myself in blawd and leave the windows open every night :)

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  9. donn ~ welcome. Pull up a chair enjoy the coffee.

    I know, I've just got completely unrealistic expectations of modern teen fiction.

    Dahlink, just leave the bedroom windows open in future. Blood is a complete bugger to get out of sheets. Besides, my understanding is they like their blood to be fresh and screaming.

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