Lammas Blessings

It's funny how the act of going shopping for supper can be very grounding. Tonight, we celebrate Lammas, a week later. I'm making a vegetarian version of my chilli and taking some wine.

This has been my first day off in 6 days and I'm feeling pretty grey. I'm way too lazy for this hard work malarky. I want a life. A life that is not solely focused on cosmetics or indeed office work. I've been knocked off centre by the constant trampolining off my overdraft; I've become a hostage to my bank manager. I'm constantly tired, snappy, foul with the men who love me. I don't see my friends, take time to honour my spirituality or my creativity. If I don't do these things, I drift along in a sea of grey with no sight of home.

Today, I went shopping. As I walked past the greengrocers cum fish shop, I saw an orchid. The greengrocers cum fish shop is an incredible business, they have a fresh fish counter, fresh fruit and veg, breads, basic groceries and diary stuff as well as seasonal plants. This orchid is a phaelenopsis, it's got big white and plum flowers. What can I say? I couldn't be without it. As I paid for it and the other bits and pieces, the guy behind the counter said it matches my eyes. He didn't believe me when I said it wasn't from the night before.

Basically, I've been working part-time at the PCH and part-time at the Heat Pump company, which works out a 6 days a week. Thanks to the way my rota works, I'll be doing 7 days next week. But it will be worth it. My Viking is going to take me away from all of this, he's whisking me and Boy oop North for a week, where we'll annoy his parents, their cats and guinea pigs. Boy has joined the Duke of Edinburgh scheme and we've got to start walking him. Actually, he and Viking are really up for it, I'm the one who will be lagging behind and bitching. I know they'll be leaping about and playing frisbee while I tramp up the hill and mutter to myself. I know it will be fun.

When I get back, I have decisions to make. The Powers that Be want to know if I'm going back to the MA, I still haven't told them yea or nay, though, I think it'll be nay. My financial position is too rocky and I'm not invested enough in the MA to fight for it. I want to do it, but the price is too high at this point. I can't keep working these hours/days/weeks. Yes, I do need the money, but I need other things too. Something has got to give and I'm going to have to learn to live properly within my means.

So, how did shopping for Lammas supper trigger these revelations? My local shops have seen me through good times and bad. A few Christmases ago, my butcher let me have a duck without receiving payment for it until January, had I asked, I could have paid in installments. The guys at the greengrocers teased me as I took my Oops. In a moment, when I'm finished blogging, I will take the veg and prepare food for my friends and my family to enjoy. It's my way of reconnecting with the people who are important to me. Boy is coming back from his dad's especially for the supper. Tonight we'll sit around a hodgepodge of tables and crockery, candles and food and drink. We will laugh, tease, get impatient, do all the things that people who love each other do, and mostly, we will acknowledge that we are blessed.

We are celebrating Lammas a week later, because our dearest friend has finished his round of fairly unpleasant treatment for a cancerous growth. He's finished his round of treatment, and the signs are all positive. Tonight he can have his first drops of alcohol since everything kicked off about 6 months ago. Tonight we will all raise our glasses together and count our blessings. Mine will also include you.