Survival Mode

I'm not posting as regularly simply because I'll just whinge. I've got my head down and I'm just trying to keep going. Work have provided me with some extra hours for the last couple of weeks, which has been great for my bank balance, not so good for my energy levels. I'm still grateful my customers aren't telepathic or I would have been sacked ages ago. The good news is: the end is in sight. I've booked some time off, which I have every intention of snuggling down on Viking's couch under a duvet and vegging for a week. I feel as if I haven't stopped since October and I'm just knackered, grumpy and pissed off. I haven't seen anyone apart from Boy and Viking, I haven't done anything except try to sell fragrance to the unappreciative, the rude and the downright dodgy. No we don't stock Jordan's fragrance. Yes, I understand Britney has a new perfume out, no we don't stock it, it's bad enough we've got the first 3.

The thing I regret most of all is the loss of my open-mindedness about people's appearance. I used to feverently believe people should not be judged on what they look like. Since working in retail and having regular run-ins with shoplifters I have become gradually socially judgemental. So should you not wash regularly - your body, your clothes, your hands, wear a baseball cap, have your hoodie up, not brush out the 3 inch knots in your hair or be Slavic, you can expect me to stand next to you and watch every move you make while you sniff the bottles of Boss and Burberry. I will call security.

I do feel a bit low at the moment. Today I realised that I'm coming up to the first anniversary of Pops' death. I've been trying to think what I've accomplished this year and where I'll be heading in 2008. It's not been pretty I tell you. My brief bit of job hunting has been depressing to say the least. Employment agencies and prospective employers have been looking at my CV and tutting. I've shot myself in the foot doing the BA in Creative Writing. I've now had too long a break to go back to what I used to do, and my retail employment looks less than impressive. I've been to an interview which I look back upon as a learning experience. I must admit I was gobsmacked with the level of bullshit the employers wanted for their receptionist position. However, I have it on good stead that it's not half as bad as going for a job in a bookstore - there candidates face tests and panel interviews. Seems a bit too much effort for a minimum wage job quite frankly.

I'm trying to be realistic. The reality of the job market at the moment is frightening. Retail is having a tough time of it. I think the British economy is in recession and it's going to get a lot worse, therefore it's not a good time to be job hunting.

On the other hand, this isn't the time to be squeamish. I've come this far, I can't go back. Perhaps it's just time to bodly go. Forget about being sensible, time to throw myself into my creative endeavours and trust that all will be well. Eventually.


  1. Fay Weldon made a few bob as an advertising copywriter.

    Just a thought.

    You'll come up smelling of, er, Roses.

  2. Must... Not.. comment on.. Murph's comment... Must... not... mention Viking...


    Smut aside, if I recall correctly, when I began reading your blog, you didn't know what you wanted to do. In fact, I've just gone back and had a look - it looks like the first thing I commented on, in fact:
    Chasing Rainbows/Funding

    I bet you've accomplished a lot more in this year than you realise.
    1. You know what you're interested in, and how you want to further your education now.

    2. Whilst I don't know, I wouldn't mind betting that your Viking has helped you to realise a lot about yourself. Certainly, I don't recall the last time I heard you say "I'm just difficult".

    3. You have seen your Boy through his first year as a teenager. Actually, something must be wrong here. He hasn't turned into a "Kevin". That's, like, the law - teenagers, are a complete and total pain in the bum. And yet he still supports you, gives you hugs, and washes his own socks (I imagine ;) ).

    4. It may not be great, it may, in fact, suck, it may have caused you to be wary of Slovacians... But you do have a full-time job. And for the time being, that's something you can rely on. It may be exhausting stuff each day, getting up, going to work, ensuring Boy has clean socks, but at least you know in advance that that's how the day will go.

    Don't forget. It's not just what changes that is the achievement. Sometimes, it's also what stays the same.

    I wouldn't mind betting that you've achieved a lot more than you may realise.

  3. Looking at the way you've been pushing yourself this last year, and all the things you've coped with, it's hardly surprising you're feeling the strain...

    And as IM says, you've certainly achieved a lot too...

    Press on Roses, it'd be such a shame to let up now with the post in sight...

  4. murph ~ that's a good idea, I shall get out the Yellow Pages and check out advertising agencies in Norwich.

    IM ~ yep, I know what I'm interested in and it still isn't going to pay the bills. Kevin can appear at any point over the next 3- 4 years. I'm still difficult and awkward, that hasn't changed, the miracle is the my Viking puts up with me and I'm working full-time at the minute, I'm not employed full-time, which means in a couple of weeks, I really must get my act together.

    Thanks for your vote of confidence, it is really appreciated.

    cogidubnus ~ unfortunately, I think the post you're refering to, is the one from the fifth hurdle. I've got about 10 more to go. Again, your support is soothing the aches. Thank you honey.

  5. You've accomplished more than you give yourself credit for, most people dont know what they want for breakfast, youve done so much to better your self and boys life. Job aplications are all bullshit, it doesnt matter about the list of merits on paper its common sense most work places lack..
    I for one love your 'say it as it is' aproach and know you will find something you love that will pay those bills, you are wasted on a perfume counter, they should wake up and smell the Roses..
    I know a few radio ststions ive used to promote my website were devoid of ideas, ever considered writing creative stuff for that side of the market?

  6. I have an idea Roses... ill send you an email about it..:)

  7. Appologies for all my spelling mistakes today Roses, im full of cold feel like someones sat on my energy button today...
    If i can have my own business without any qualifications except hard work (and i can't spell:) you should excell...
    Fancy trying an idea with me ?

  8. B*E*G ~ I'm always open to new opportunities. I'm looking forward to that e-mail.

  9. I am talking to steve today about what i have in mind, will email you as soon as i know details Roses

  10. I agree what the others have said about you being too hard on yourself over your achievements in the last year.

    On the employment front, have you ever considered working somewhere like a theatre (box office or front of house) instead of retail? Admittedly the pay won't be great, but at least in that sort of environment, they are used to people working there before they pass through onto something more creative.

  11. I wasn't really sure what else to say... But on a different note! :) ...

    Was listening to the radio recently and when I heard about a book that's being published containing peoples' life stories in only six words.

    Remembering your penchant for Post Secret, I thought you might be interested :)

    The book title is taken from one of the stories - "Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure"

    For more info, see:


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