Setting the World to Rights

Many thanks to Sanddancer for her accurate diagnosis, she's absolutely right, it's post-holiday blues. I'm just not ready to face real life at the moment. After 2 weeks in the sun, sea and sand, Norfolk feels a bit drab and cold in comparison. Mind you, whenever I go back to Trinidad, I always end up wondering what it would be like living there again. Not that it's at all feasible. I have no career and no money and I'd need oodles of both to even think about going back. Besides, as expensive as it will be funding Boy's education - he wants to be a vet, like his uncle Atlas, it will still be more affordable if we're living in England.

It's weird really. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the future recently. A bit of handy mathematics reminds me that in 13 years time, I'll be 50 and Boy will be 26. Obvious really, but I tend not to think this way normally. In 5 years time, he'll be packing his bags and going off to uni. That is, if he manages to resist the siren-call of drink, drugs, girls and ASBOs. I wonder what he'll be like as an 18 year old, all big and hairy. At the moment he's taking great pride in rubbing in the fact that he's now as tall as me. He's done a heck of a lot of growing in a very short space of time. I haven't seen Kevin yet, but there's time. I still get my cuddles and we have been playing Oblivion together in the evenings.

While I was in Trinidad, I spent a lot of time with my brother's friends who've got kids just a bit younger than Rowan. I had a bit of a revelation, which I'm beginning to think explains quite a lot of what's going wrong in the world today. Parents are terrified of telling their kids 'No'.

I think it happened with the 60s generation. After the austerity of the war years and the heavy-handed parenting of that generation, the backlash was more permissive parenting. Books on childrearing became popular, parents became insecure about their abilities and began to seek out expert advice. The experts cautioned against physical discipline, after all, no one has good memories of being hit as a child and unfortunately, there are still far too many appalling cases of physical abuse. I suppose that generation realised that it is possible to walk away from dysfunctional families and did. I suspect this realisation haunted them and made them insecure, so gradually became more and more loathe to correct their children's behaviour. Coupled with two working parents and guilt offerings society has created a rod for everyone's back that ASBOs really aren't going to solve.

I believe children need boundaries. I don't believe that boundaries have to be enforced physically, kids aren't stupid and understand far more than parents give them credit. I quite like the idea of the Super Nanny way of 'no', explanation, and then naughty step.

I think parents forget that kids want their parents to love them as much as they love them. Good behaviour reinforces the parent/child bond and enables more fun to be had on both sides.

By the way, I'm not putting myself forward as the ideal parent. I fully expect that Boy will spend his time on a therapist's couch regalling them with countless tales of my many failings. The one thing I take comfort in is the fact that even when we fall out, or disagree, Boy knows I love him very, very much.

Well, that's my tuppenceworth...what do you think?