Because Life...

It is the end of 2015 and I look back at the last few months, the word count on my novel still woefully short, the aches and pains returned, the poems unwritten and the pictures unpainted. It would be easy for me to be discouraged at all the things that are left undone. And yet as I type this, Boy is stretched out on the sofa watching Samurai Jack, my chickens are exploring a neighbouring field and there is sunshine.

Life happened over the autumn, there were too many funerals. Then Dave and his left kidney started arguing again. Rather than their usual spats that we've got used to, this is far more serious. Like all toxic relationships, it's taking time to unravel. He has initiated final divorce proceedings and we are waiting to hear whether it's mediation or if it's to go to Decree Absolute. Frankly, I'm tired of their arguments. But we will hear by the end of the week. 

I think it's fair to say I lost the plot temporarily. But that's okay, shit happens (even if most of it was in my head), I rode it out. It occurs to me that I am good at making Plans, but not so great at seeing them through. The Plans mock me as I deal with the shit Life throws up. 

But isn't that the point? 

It isn't the fact that I get thrown off the pony that matters. All that matters is that I pick myself up again and get back on. That I keep getting up again. 

The end of the year is the perfect time to have a good look at what worked and what didn't. To revisit my goals and objectives. To ask "what do I want?"

The answer to that is *more*

I want more words added to my novel.

I want more economic activity.

I want more hours spent lifting in the gym.

I want more poems read and written.

I want more paintings painted.

I want more more miles run and cycled.

I want more emotional and physical resilience. 

I want more boundaries between myself and the situations that encroach on my head.

I want more activity in social justice.

Then, there is the *less*

I want less financial insecurity.

I want less self-sabotage.

I want less of the key-board warrior I've become.

I want less of my judgemental self.

I want less of other people's drama.

As I type this, I realise that even if I only manage half of the things on either list, I'll be doing well. I can keep taking my small steps and I'll get there. Wherever "there" is.

Are you making any wishlists for 2016? Want to share?