What gets you up in the morning?

I had an email flurry with a long-standing friend of mine this morning. In and amongst the news catching up on, she asked me this question. It wasn't difficult to answer, but it's stayed with me since. 

I had intended to spend the day in my onesie, but the question got me up and writing in my journal, which I haven't done since the beginning of November. It got me dressed and kept me company as I mucked out the chickens and tidied up their area, something I've been meaning to do for a couple of weeks.

It's incredibly useful, being asked questions like that. It allows me to solidify my watery thinking and to mull over context and content. I've been doing an awful lot of feeling in the past few months, not a lot else. No writing, no thinking, no poetry, no art, no gardening. I have been looking after my house, looking after the cat, the chickens and me...and Dave when he lets me. 

But that question and thinking about the answer made me broaden my contracted feelings into the bigger, broader picture.

Love is the answer. Love is what gets me up in the morning.

You see, I love living here. I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. I wake up every morning and there's a surprise waiting for me, if I'm observant enough to look. Yesterday, I woke up to two magpies arguing over breakfast outside my bedroom window. Today, I woke up to Rummy purring. I'd overslept and he thought he'd try the subtle route to get to his breakfast. Before I open my eyes, I become aware of Jenga crowing. 

I put my onesie on, my Uggs and the pleasure I get from starting the grinder, putting on the kettle for my coffee and going out to let the chickens out....it's hard to describe. I drink my coffee and catch up on Facebook. I get to catch up with people all across the world! We gossip and moan and put the world to rights.

I laugh every day.

Sometimes it's a chuckle, sometimes it's a big belly laugh. 

My velociraptors and Rummy make me laugh so much. 

Z is nearby and she keeps an eye on me. Her cat Eloise, likes to come visit. She has her own place to eat in my kitchen. She and Rummy are like brother and sister, the sort that like to play rough and tumble. When Z goes visiting, I get to look after her tortoises and flock of bantams. 

I'm thinking of the coming growing season. I'm thinking of tomatoes, onions, potatoes, leeks and cauliflowers. Do I want to grow squash again? What about peppers? And of course, will I have time to tend them? 

My Boy is on the other end of the phone. We don't have a dedicated time to talk. Somehow, he always makes me laugh. He's finishing off his degree with determination and grit. I'm not worried for him. He's playing with plans for after university. The only thing I've told him, is that whatever he choses to do, it must be fun. It must excite him.

I also have tentative plans for myself. I have a novel to finish, poetry to write, paintings to bring into this reality. I also want more learning. I want to become a Core Process Psychotherapist. How I manage that, I still haven't figured out. When the time is right, I will. 

Life is hard right now. Not "challenging" or "interesting" or whatever else euphemisms get to be used. It's really hard. But it's also good. 

Moving on up!

It is done. I have moved. Or rather, it would be more true to say, I have been moved. Frankly, from here on in, that's the only way I'm going to move, unless everything fits into the back of my car. The most stressful thing about the entire experience of moving, was waiting for the removal men. 

I got most of my boxes unpacked the weekend after the move. It has very quickly gone from The Cottage to feeling like home. The rooms are large and airy, with all our things in them, it's so comfy and cosy. I love opening the curtains in the morning. I never know what I'll see. Granted on the days I work in Norwich, I don't see very much at all because it's dark. But this morning there were two hen pheasants perched on my fence looking a bit disgruntled at my interrupting their chat. 

Living out in the Sticks, there's a lot to get used to. The nearest shop is over a mile away. I will have to go even further afield for my larger weekly shops. I've been told there is a Morrisons and Tescos in Beccles, which isn't that far from here. I'm going to have to do a bit of research to see if I can get my hair, nails and eyebrow seen to locally, rather than have to troop up to Norwich just for that. 

The most challenging thing was lack of internet. I'm not bothered about television and haven't missed that at all. No Facebook? OMG! How did I cope?

Actually, the break from my online life was good for me as well. It made me re-think my morning routine and I realised how much time I spent on social media, when I started being far more productive round the house. Nevertheless, I really missed it.

Yesterday, I came home to find my new kit waiting here for me. I expected it to be incredibly complicated to set up. Hell no. The most complicated part of the whole process has been figuring out the best place to put the router. Happily, the xbox can connect wirelessly, so no more cable trailing across the floor and it's not like I'm gaming online so I need to eek out every extra millibyte of speed. 

This morning, I unpacked four more boxes and set up my study. That makes me especially happy, I have to say. I've got the last three boxes of books to go, but they can wait until tomorrow. Right now, I'm enjoying sitting at my desk, staring at the hedge laden with rose-hips and the field beyond it. I may indulge in an afternoon nap. 

That's the one thing I haven't enjoyed about the experience - the weariness. I'm bone tired. I've got dark marks under my eyes and I've got that lovely grey tinge to my complexion at the moment. I am just so tired. Having said that, I'm sleeping better. And as the days pass and I enjoy the routine at work and come back to my new abode, I feel lighter. Much lighter.

I'm so glad I did this. It was such a good thing to do. I'm so incredibly lucky to have the friendship and support from Z, who's been such a star. Boy came home last weekend. He seems far more comfortable here. He couldn't wait to take Z's dog out for a walk and explore. I'm really looking forward to him coming home for the festive season. It's going to be so much fun. 

All in all, I'm doing okay. Less strung out, chilling out more. In fact...I think it's time for a quick nap...

Drunk and in Charge of a Keyboard

I'm sure this isn't a good idea. One I will regret and perhaps delete when sobriety hits. But since when has that ever stopped me? Never. I'm going to tell you a little about why I'm such a fundamental optimist. Why I feel compelled to help the talented people around (and yes, there are many). This isn't a "OMG, Poor me" post. I've only had a gin and tonic, I'm not quite there enough to let the Self-Pity Gnome in.

I'm a bit of an outsider in my Life. 

During my childhood, I didn't look like my family. I was adopted. I didn't know my racial origins. I was scrawny, short-sighted and had teeth and a smile only a mother could love. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I was socially awkward, unathletic and preferred the company of animals. I liked books, but was rubbish at school. I liked people and had a weird kind of confidence with them, but didn't really connect with anyone for any length of time. All in all, I was a bit of a mess. 

I wanted to be like my brother. He always knew what he wanted to do. I respected that so much. That passion to exclude all other things, to just know what path needed to be trod. That was just so cool.

I though this passion could be found in relationships with the opposite sex. But no, I chose badly; it all went horribly wrong and I've since learnt to love very carefully. It can be a bit of a compromise, but I love as much as I feel safe to, so I'm not hurt by rejection too much.

Writing as my preferred form of communication has been with me since I nicked my father's Brother typewriter at 13. It was only at 33 that I began to learn how to construct a story someone might actually want to read from start to finish. Ten years later, I haven't really written anything apart from my random blogging and a novella.

I have commitment issues.

That's why I'm so utterly inspired by talented people who follow through their passions with actions. I am blessed with friends both online and IRL who are writers, artists, poets, musicians, photographers and entrepreneurs, I just want to help. That's part of the reason why I did the NLP, I thought it would enable me to help people who wanted to do something different.

Simple really.

Too see people who are prepared to walk to the ends of the earth to make their dreams come true, who do that bit more different, that's really something. 

I Will Survive

I was somewhat shocked, not to mention horrified, to learn this evening that my favourite Danish Pastry did not know the words to Gloria Gaynor's anthem for all of those with broken hearts: I Will Survive. Therefore, to ensure this sad state of affairs is sorted out, here they are.

Now sing!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified


Kept thinking I could never live, without you by my side

But I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong

I grew strong, I learned how to carry on

and so you're back

from outer space

I just walked in to find you here

with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed my stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

you'd be back to bother me



Go on now go walk out the door

just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore

weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye

you think I'd crumble

you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I

I will survive

as long as I know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive

I will survive



It took all the strength I had, not to fall apart

kept trying hard to mend, the pieces of my broken heart

and I spent oh so many nights, just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry, now I hold my head up high

and you see me

somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person

still in love with you

and so you felt like dropping in

and just expect me to be free

now I'm saving all my loving

for someone who's loving me

And just in case, here's the original: