Too Much of a Good Thing...

...is wonderful. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It's Monday morning and like most Mondays recently, I'm moving slowly. I'm gathering myself for the week ahead. I had hoped to start writing this week, but I realise looking at the plot outline I worked on over the weekend, that I'm a bit of a coward.

A good story is all about the conflict and how our intrepid heroine gets her dessert with proper whipped double cream and her man. I've been tiptoeing around and the plot is a bit like the cucumber you left for a month in the bottom of the vegetable crisper - you could kinda see what it should be, but it's all mushy, squishy and smells bad. Not what a writer needs. 

Therefore, this week I will be thinking of ways to torture my poor heroine. My readers and I will only see what she's made of in how she gets through that obstacle course. As always, it's not what you say, it's what she does that's important. 

I also have to remind myself that I am not writing Game of Thrones. I don't need to quite go into gratuitous character torture or culling. On the other hand, GoT reminds me the stakes have to be high, so high as to seem out of reach, but she's got to stretch her muscles. 

This week, I am going to have to learn to be a sadistic God and come up with things to throw at her. Wish me luck.

On the other hand, I'm beginning to see the work at the gym paying off and it's got bugger all to do with the scales. My confidence is coming back up. Did I tell you I invested in some new gym gear? I look like a gym bunny on LSD now. I feel fabulous wrestling into my gear and swagger around the gym. The motivation has finally kicked in, to the point where I abandoned Dave on Saturday to go do Leg Day. Happily, he was still here on my return and was able to provide TLC when I hobbled through the door. We spent the rest of the weekend curled up on the sofa watching trash on Netflix, but even managed to go for a walk at dusk. 

I've also got to the fun part of the whole strength training process - the humungous appetite. Unfortunately, people think that in order to lose weight that hours and hours of cardio is the answer. After all, they can check their stats and think "I've burnt 450 calories, go me!" The problem with that is the calorie burning process stops as soon as they step off the treadmill. Strength training on the other hand, keeps the calorie burning up hour after the workout ends. Rebuilding muscle requires energy and it's got to come from somewhere. My focus isn't about weight loss, it's about dumping my body fat and building dense muscle. If you start bleating on about muscly girls be warned, I will have to slap you. 

Women do not have the ability to build muscle mass like men. We simply lack the testosterone to do so. Yes, the female body builders you see are incredibly defined and bulky. Here's the thing, they are on incredibly strict regimes, with every calorie accounted for to keep off the body fat and all of the hours in their day dedicated to working to look like that. Unless you are prepared to be totally obsessed and committed, it's not going to happen to those of us part-timers. Oh, here's a totally fabulous article why women should definitely not lift weights.

Lookin' at that Hoss from the Ground

Last week, I realised how far I was slipping back into my old, lazy assed self. I was struggling to get things done around the flat. I started looking in the mirror and seriously disliking what I saw. Nothing else had changed apart from the fact that I was laid up with my lower back and my poorly, wrenched wrist. 

Boy and I went away for a few days, the late end of last week. We went to move him from halls of residence to his student house. I like Lincoln as a place to visit. It's got a great vibe. Or at least, it does where Boy lives.

We agreed there would be no stressing and there really wasn't. We took the move slowly, with lots of breaks. Somehow, in the 9 months he was there, he went from 1 car load of stuff to 2.5! Granted, it wasn't packed tightly - the car load going up was a bit like a level on Tetris - but even so. 

After the move, we then went up to Beverly for the wedding of the Viking to his Lovely. It was an absolutely amazing day from start to finish, even with the occasional downpour. Thank goodness for Clinique mascara, that's all I'm saying. I started dabbing my eyes with the first hymn and didn't stop until the Wedding March.

I made the mistake of saying to people "yep, we're going to the wedding of my ex-bf." I learnt too late that I then had to go into the whole "it was a good break-up, we're really good friends, I'm really happy for them. No, I'm REALLY happy for them" routine. The fact of the matter is, the Viking spent the whole day looking at his Lovely like he just opened all of his birthday and Christmas presents at once, while she looked like she'd just won the lottery. Both sets of parents were delighted all round. That people down here couldn't understand, I'm afraid that's their look out. Not mine. What was particularly lovely was the warmth that both Boy and myself were greeted. I've got stern instructions to return sooner, rather than later to have a proper catch up with everyone. Frankly, I'm looking forward to becoming Mad Aunty Roses (no pressure darlings, no pressure). 

While we were away, I had many miles of open road to think. 

My lower back issue means absolutely no running. Running is hard on everything and the impact could potentially make things much worse. My wrenched wrist means no load bearing, or twisting; pretty much rules out lifting, swimming, cycling or push-ups. My dishy osteopath advised waiting until I was pain free for a week before attempting any strengthening exercises. 

My body, mind and energy levels were reverting to how I felt two years ago and it was not good. 

I also had the time to think about my weight. It's a bit of a touchy subject with me. 

The fitness industry for women, tends to focus on weight loss and paints everything pink. Go into the main stream gyms, health food shops, it smacks you straight in the face. Being the rebellious sort, I've resolutely stuck to my numbers. I am not overweight, my BMI* is smack bang within the healthy range. I don't have anything to worry about, health-wise.

However, the fact of the matter is that while this is true, my body fat percentage is too high for my liking. When I look in the mirror now, I don't see muscle, I see flab. I see the results of 3 months on my butt. Ladies and gentlemen, trust me when I say this, it isn't pretty. It does not feel good.

One of the things I struggle with is planning. I can create a plan, no problem; implementing said plan, well, that's a different matter altogether. I kind of get there, but not within the timescales I originally set out. For example, I have a running app called Zombies Run! 5k. It's an 8 week programme to take you from couch to running your first 5k. Did I do it in 8 weeks? Hell no. In fact, I'm on week 8, workout 2. I can give you all the reasons why I didn't stick to the plan and mostly, they are good. But the outcome is still the same - I didn't do it.

I'm a woman who likes a challenge. Therefore, I set myself this challenge. I am on the 5:2 diet for the next 7 weeks (or rather 6 as it started on Monday). Don't ask me why I set 7 weeks, it was a completely arbitrary number. For the next 7 weeks I am going to be eating 500 calories for 2 days in the week. 

In this time I am also going to be doing what I call Foundation exercises. I'm doing a basic circuit, cardio and abs routines throughout the weeks ahead. Everything I'm doing is geared to get me to the point where I can pick up my weights and lace up my running shoes again. 

There's a physio dude at my gym who I've been trying to get hold of and this week I managed to snag an appointment with him. We had an hour long consult and next week, there will be another one. He assessed me on everything: body, exercise, diet and mental health. It was very useful indeed. He's already made some adjustments to my current circuit routine to address the issues in my lower body. I lack strength in weird places which is causing the imbalances that has lead to my lower back issues. He's highlighted some dietary issues and made a suggestion about probiotics. I followed that up as soon as I got home yesterday. Some eye-wateringly expense probiotics will be winging their way over to me next week. Unlike the probiotic yoghurts and drinks available in the supermarket, these have been cultivated to colonise the gut. Stuff from the supermarket, usually high in sugar, has been designed to die so when a person stops taking them, they stop feeling the benefit. These probiotics are shipped with cool packs and have to be stored in the fridge. I do not expect miracles, but improvements are more than welcome.

Next Wednesday morning, he's going to put me through my paces. I will come away with a programme that will address these niggly issues and hurtle me towards my Awesome again.

Ladies and Gentlemen, that is a very tall horse that I will be am climbing back on. This first week has not been shitz and gigglez as the kids say. I feel beset on all sides at the moment. But I am buggered if I'm going to lay here on the floor and take it.

*BMI is not a particularly useful measurement for weight, despite the fact that it's pretty much universally used by health and fitness professionals. Muscle is more dense than fat, if you're athletic and have a low body fat percentage, chances are your BMI will class you as obese. True story.

Continuing to be Tedious

As the title suggests, I will bang on about fitness stuff again. This is my second week of completed gym sessions and my last with my Personal Trainer (PT) for four weeks. Of all of the decisions I've made recently, this is the one I am exceptionally pleased about. Or should I say a doubly good one?

The gym is brilliant. I love it's shabbiness. It's functional only; with an emphasis on weights and strength training. There are nods to cardio and floor work in the back with a handful of machines, but that's pretty much it. You want shiny machines, tvs to watch, magazines to read? You're in the wrong place. 

My PT is fantastic. The programme he developed for me is perfect in that it's challenging, addresses my weakness and builds on my strengths. In the past two weeks I've seen some brilliant improvements. Mind you, I look on every extra rep, every added 0.25kg as a brilliant improvement. 

Working out at home to the DVDs did exactly what I hoped they'd do: they built my confidence and brought up my fitness level to the point where I felt comfortable taking it further. What they couldn't do was correct my form. I knew I wanted to increase the weights, but I wasn't happy doing so without a better idea of form. I am doing everything possible to avoid injury. I felt if I went out and bought heavier weights I would be at risk. Perhaps I was a bit overly-cautious, but I would rather take it more slowly and anchor in the fitness habit properly so I continue to feel excited and motivated about exercising.

What I wasn't prepared for was the increase in my appetite. I'd heard about the need for protein after a workout, but mostly dismissed that as just manly men hype....until at 10.30am on Monday I would have killed for a whole roasted chicken. On Wednesday, I had a funny turn and it was suggested I really need to eat before my workout. I have no wish to throw up on the gym floor. That would just be embarrassing. It was good advice because this morning I had my mid-morning smoothie first thing instead and no wobblies. Please don't laugh, but I'm looking into protein shakes to boost my mid-morning smoothie to deal with the sudden carnivorous urges. 

Next week, I start Gym/Run/Rest rotations. I'm really excited about getting back out there to pound the pavement. I've missed the running. Again, deciding not to run while I got to grips with the new strength routine was a good one. I am grudgingly following Dave's advice to start with this routine rather than go straight into running and gym on alternate days with a rest on Sundays.

Last blog post, I talked about the added extra of confidence I've gained by doing the strength training. During the weekend, I realised something else.

The last 6 months have been the most consistently stressful, and in parts, distressing period of time I've experienced pretty much since my dad died nearly four years ago. In this time, I have gone from working out irregularly to working out pretty much 3-4 times a week, if not 5-6 times some weeks. This year, I started running, then joined a gym and started lifting weights. My working hours have increased to the point where it's rare that I leave the office before 6pm; my workload has multiplied like bunny rabbits on viagra and I've gone to anyone who would listen and demanded more responsibility. I haven't taken many sick days at all, despite the winter bugs and more importantly, and this is the point of it all - I am not depressed. 

I am not dragging my arse behind me trying to get things done at home or at work. I am out of bed in the mornings and after an hour of Pink Fluffy Dressing Gown, coffee and Facebook, I am out of my chair doing stuff. On my days off, I don't nap in the afternoon any more as standard. When I come home in the evenings, I'm still doing what needs to be done. My housework is no longer a chore I have to work up to. Don't get me wrong, I'm still knackered, but gone are the days when I'd crawl through the door and have a microwave meal because it was the only thing I could manage to do.

This is quite a scary revelation for me. For the past 43 years, I thought I had problems with my energy levels, problems with mental health. It turns out there's nothing wrong with my energy levels or my mental health - I just wasn't fit enough to live. 

All this time wasted.

Well, not much can be done about the past and dwelling on that isn't going to help me continue to move forward well. For the next 43 years, I now know the key to feeling good and doing more is about focusing on keeping fit and being well in myself. The more I move, the better I feel, the more I do. I am the kind of person who totally digs on the concept of 'more', so I'm going to stick with this and see where it leads.

Beware the Snake Oil Salesman

...if you're thinking about getting fit and healthy.

You think that there's conflicting "facts" about food? Hah! Wait till you try exercise! There's all kinds of sneaky ways to part you from your cash, without it ever making much of a difference to your fitness or general health.

To be fair, part of it is caused by consumers' apathy and fear.

As I meander around the internet and try to get to the bottom of how to move my bottom better, so it's not sagging towards the floor, I realised that PT Barnum was right. There really is one born every minute.

The sad fact of the matter is exercise is hard. It's called a workout because you have to "work". There's no magic pill, no magic fruit discovered by a botanist in the Amazon you can sprinkle on your porridge, or electrodes that you can attach to your wobbly tummy - they don't work. There's no quick fix. No fit in 4 weeks. No fit in 4 months, even.

The trouble is, people want to believe this magic quick fix works, and when it doesn't, they give up.

Fact of the matter is: want to stop smoking, put the cigarette out and don't put another in your mouth; want to lose weight, make better food choices - not so much, more fruit and veg; want to get fit...be fit for life. Put on the shoes and work. 

Harsh, but perhaps it's time we talked straight. Yes, I know there are thousands of reasons for that other slice of chocolate cake, that last, next last fag, the pint...well, it was a hard day and it's genetic. The reason I know this, is because I've said them all.

The changes to my behaviour came about because I really wanted to be a non-smoker. I really wanted to be under 9 stone. And I really wanted to be able to say YES, when Dave asked if I wanted to go out on a bike ride.

You know me. I'm the laziest so and so this side of the Atlantic. My favourite position is horizontal. Preferably with a bowl of crisps and a glass of naughtiness within arm's reach. I'm not a morning person. I've never met a calorie I didn't like. A glass of something naughty? Why yes, I'd love another.

I made a choice. I chose now to do things that feel good. 

Not comfort-good, or stress-good, or lonely-good. But proper good.

And it seems that exercise helps me feel good. Even when I can barely walk down stairs because of the squats. Arrgh!

I've said this before, I'll repeat myself to save you having to look up my words of wisdom. You don't need to spend a huge amount of money to be fit. By all means, do get a personal trainer and 2 chefs to prepare your nutritious and delicious meals. If you want to and can afford it - go for it. I've met some incredibly committed exercisers who've got PTs and swear by (at?) them. You just don't need to. 

I can't abide gyms. I hate them. Perhaps it's because I've only walked into the ones with the women putting on their make-up before they workout. The one filled with the really skinny, ecstatic fitness buffs. You know, white smiles, orange skin? I'm told that there are proper gyms out there, full of sweaty, blobby people focused on what they're doing and aren't at all interested in what everyone else is doing in there. 

Until I find the sweaty gym, I'll do my workouts at home. I'm not blessed with cash. I spent on good shoes and when I could, I bought my gear from M&S during their sale. I have enough space in my front room. Just. I started out with a selection of DVDs, but I stick to Davina McColl's simply because she and her personal trainers are fun to workout with. I started on her 3x30 minute workouts and this morning, I've upped the pace. I'm now on her Superbody it's 40 minutes long with extra sessions if you've got the time and energy. It's also got a low impact version of all the exercises. 

It has taken me 3 months to get to this point. I'm taking it slow. I have a dodgy lower back and a knee that bitches at me. I've been in an abusive relationship, I don't need someone in my face, shouting at me, even if they say it's for my own good. Dave is worried that I do it on my own. He thinks I should get a workout buddy to push me to do more. I will eventually, but at the moment, I'm enjoying sweating on my own. If I'm tired, emotionally or physically, I rest. My aim is to do a workout every weekday morning. However, if I need to insert a rest day or a rest week, so be it. Because in the long run it won't matter. I do this because it feels good. When it doesn't feel good, I'll stop.

Nerd Fitness is a website I really love. I know, I'll stop going on about it. I love it because they say women should train like men. Strength training won't build bulky muscles. Lifting weights is good for bone density, stamina and is better for weight-loss than hours of cardio. It means there's no need to take notice of the scales, strength training leads to increased muscle density which is heavier than fat. You've got to eat properly in order to strength train. None of this carrot juice 3 times a day nonsense. They also advocate heavier weights and lower reps. Frankly, that's heaven to me. Who wants to count 50 bloody bicep curls with 1 kg? Bored now.

I've got the urge to build up my strength and do it properly - in a sweaty gym with a punch bag. I want to start landing my punches. I want to get a barbell and learn how to deadlift. I've realised that there just isn't the time to do everything I want to do. I keep looking at my running shoes and my Shiny Bike. I have friends who I want to go swimming with. There just isn't the time to fit all of the fitness things in! Arrgh!

Perhaps it's just a question of going with the flow? As it's all winter-bleak-bleugh, I could stay in and do my DVDs, build up my fitness and strength and then in the summer, switch to outdoor-focused stuff. That sounds like fun to me.

Did I really write that out loud? 

Who, the bloody hell have I become? 

I want to do it. In my very gut I want to do it. And no, that's not this morning's smoothie acting up.

Do I expect to increase my life-expectancy? Will I get a body like Davina's? Do I expect that by loading up on these happy-exercise hormones that I will never experience lows again?

Hell no. 

I'm doing it now, because it feels good. I'm sure the evangelical stage will exit stage right as the habit beds in and go back to blogging about coffee, perfume and how much I hate the festive season. Don't even be thinking that I'm buff and fit and toned and bouncy. I'm struggling with my 1.5kg weights. I've got a long, long way to go...

Weights and Measures

As you know, since April this year I've been steadily increasing my physical activity. I've wanted to exercise regularly for many years now. I used to start and stop. This has been the longest time I've ever stuck with the programme.

It started because I wanted to be fitter so I could cycle with Dave. I like workout DVDs and so I dusted them off and started from the beginning. Seven months later, I'm still committed to being leaner, stronger and fitter.  

I also started to think about what I ate.

If you do a search on fitness and health, you will come up with a mind-boggling number of websites and resources. All saying they have the answer (the only answer) to good health and fitness. Some of them come with science, some come with "common sense", some with a double dose of snake oil. 

I can't say that with all my research that I'm any better informed. I wish I was. But I'm not. In fact, I'm probably more confused now, than I was when I started. Trust me when I say, that's a good thing - it shows I'm paying attention.

What gets put in your mouth, ends up going round your system and affects how you feel, your energy levels and where it ends up hanging out. Makes sense, doesn't it? If I were a computer programmer, I'd be tempted to say 'garbage in, garbage out.'

So, what constitutes a 'good' diet? Let's crack this can of worms open.

Over the summer I tried the 5:2 diet. Intermittent fasting lead to me losing 6lb. I ate 500 calories twice a week on non-consecutive days. It wasn't particularly hard going until the weather turned cool. I run cold anyway, with the lack of calories in my diet, I couldn't cope with it. I stopped doing it. In the September when I stopped, I was just under 9 stone. 

I've read a lot since then. There's a massive three-way fight going on between fat vs sugar vs carbs, all with fairly compelling arguments. I'm still no wiser.

Fat - it makes you fat. That seems to be the perceived wisdom of most medicine. Cut out the fat, it won't clog your arteries. How's your cholesterol? Bit high? Hello statins. Go low fat.

Except I really, really love fat. Butter, double cream, crackling. Yum yum yum. Bring it on. Low fat stuff, tastes diabolical. It's nasty. And furthermore, none of the food scientists I've met eat margarine. They all have butter.

Sugar - empty calories. Rots your teeth. Makes you fat. Makes things taste good. We have evolved to like sweet things, because sweet things are likely to be calorie rich which is just what a hunter/gatherer needs to survive. I do have a sweet tooth, but not for chocolate or sweeties. 

Sugar hides in plain sight in low-fat foods and other processed foods. Don't believe me? Check out the difference when you're next shopping. 

Carbs - since the Atkins diet caught on early in the naughties, carbs are the enemy. Eating too many carbs causes insulin sensitivity and immense weight-gain. I've seen people on the Atkins lose a helluva lot of weight, though I certainly didn't want to get up close and personal, because their breath smelt like decomposing dog feaces. It turns out that Atkins long-term is a very bad idea for one's health and wellbeing. Nasty side effects include kidney stones and increased incidents of osteoporosis.

There's also the traditional calorie counting. I've given it a go before I did intermittent fasting. I can tell you, it sucks arse.

Firstly, because it's easier to go ready-prepared, because the calories are all laid out. You cook a home made meal, that's you with scales and a calculator. 

Secondly, all calories are not created equal and the healthy option does not always equal low calorie. 

Oh yes, I also looked at the Low GI Diet. The premise of this diet ranks food according to their Glycemic Index. This refers to the scale against which a food is broken down by the body, into glucose. It limits carbs and the way they are cooked. I liked it fairly well, up until I got to the low-fat mantra. And as far as I am concerned, mashed potatoes is Food of the Gods. I don't care what anyone else says.

After all of that, what do I believe is the best diet to go on?

I call it the Balanced Diet. I eat a little of what I fancy, when I fancy it. I am eating a heck of a lot more fruit and veg. I stop eating when I'm full. I've gone from 0-2 portions a day to around about 9 or 10 portions of fruit and veg.

I am also being more mindful of processed foods. I do still have ready prepared foods, but they now make up a much smaller percentage of what I eat. I enjoy cooking and like to know what ingredients are going into my dinner. I figure if I can't pronounce it, I shouldn't be eating it.

Water is now my drink of choice. There are still squashes in the house, and I still have a weakness for Elderflower cordial. But I go days without drinking them.

How do I feel? I feel okay. 

Interestingly, I haven't gained or lost any more weight, I'm still around about 8 stone 12 ounces. But I have dropped a dress size.

My goal is to continue to be mindful about what I eat. I will continue to cut down on sugar and processed foods, but I'm also changing the numbers I focus on. I do still like scales, but my attention is now on how well my clothes fit me. Tomorrow, I'm going to measure up properly. Tomorrow, I'm going to take my training up a level.

...And Counting

This is going to be a blog post in bullets and in no particular order. I don't think I have it in me to construct a coherent sentence, but I'm desperate to write something.

• This is the last weekend in this house and I've hardly been here. It's very weird. Boy disappeared off to London and in a way, it feels like he's already left home.
• I spent 2 hours looking at curtains for the flat. I came out of the shop with 2 plastic boxes and 2 lunch containers.
• The exercise has worked! On Friday evening, Dave took me for a bike ride. It was the route that previously took me hours...I did it in 40 minutes and when we stopped, it was to look around. I think I surprised him somewhat.
• My butt still hurts from the bike ride. 
• I am really rubbish at DIY. Tomorrow, it will be the third time I try and get the kitchen right.
• I have way too much shit in my house. Why do I have so many knick knacks? And stones. What is it about stones?
• The flat is beginning to feel like home again. Even if it is filled with DIY detritus and has nothing of mine in it yet.
• My neighbours are pleased to see me move back. It's really touching how they have all come up to me in the last few weeks to have a chat, to welcome me back.
• When I first rocked back to the flat, I was shocked and appalled how badly maintained the outside was and spent half a day cleaning and clearing up the communal area. A couple of weeks later the family downstairs cleared out the patch of ground behind them.
• The Cat knows something is up and is stressing. I'm concerned how she'll cope with the upheaval. Heck. I'm concerned with how I'm going to cope with the upheaval.
• I'm putting the stuff I don't want outside the house, so people can help themselves. I don't have the time to spend cataloguing and flogging the stuff on-line. Also, if someone needs it and can use it, why not?
• Acrylic nails are brilliant. I'm on my third set and they are lasting so well and it's lovely having good nails, even if they are covered in paint.
• In the next 5 days, we will have finished the renovations on the flat and moved. 
• If the previous statement doesn't show the power of positive thinking, I don't know what will.
• Realistically, I'm going to move and then have about a month's worth of niggling tasks to finish off. 
• I worry that the month's worth of tasks will remain unfinished for years.
• I am desperate to get back to writing and working. It feels like my Life and Plans for World Domination have been on hold for the last 3 months. Not to mention the money that has been leaking from my bank account.
• My hayfever is appalling at the moment. My eyes itch and stream. Ugh.
• I beat sinusitis last week. I'm so chuffed. Though I definitely can't recommend anyone else snort Tea Tree Oil. I think I broke every aromatherapy rule with that one. But I'm still here and I'm not coughing up the greenies anymore.
• The most difficult part of moving will be my study. My Goddess do I have a lot of crap in here and no, I mustn't lose anything. And that's not even talking about half of the books!
• I have this week off. Next week, it'll be all Go Go Go! at work and then I will spend money I don't have to colour and cut my hair, get some eyebrows and have a facial.
• All this exercise malarky has given me ideas above my station. I'm now thinking of taking up running and martial arts.
• I am genuinely shocked Dave still wants to be with me after the last 3 months. I've leaned on him heavily and I know I've driven him nuts and he's got his own stuff to deal with. I think he's nuts. A sane man would have been running for the hills right about now. Instead, he spends his time contemplating my kitchen and how we are going to tile it.
• I'm not going to worry about healthy eating this week. If I remember to eat at all, it's going to be a miracle.
• I am now just a little bit excited about moving and the next part of my Life. 

On the New Healthy Living Regime

You may have gathered that in the midst of all the chaos of my Life presently, I am on a health kick. Actually, it's not so much a health kick as a total re-think of Health in general.

I had my last cigarette in December. Inn March I began to do my workout DVDs again, albeit very sporadically until May. This week, I managed 3 workouts, which I am very pleased about. My back is niggling, so I won't push it too much. 

Today, Amazon delivered Living the GI Diet by Rick Gallop. There's a guy at work who is a fitness nut to the nth degree and he said it's about changing the way you eat so you're eating better food and feeling satisfied once you've put down your knife and fork. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have 21lbs to get off my butt.

It's interesting because there have been some really good articles on body image circulating on Facebook recently. I am not overweight. I am still within the boundaries of healthy weight vs. height and body-type and BMI. I've just gone up a dress size. 

My friends aren't dropping hints and Lawrence hasn't started insisting we turn out the lights, so he doesn't have to look at the extra wobbly bits.

In fact, Lawrence and I have had words, because I blame him for my weight-gain. I'm happy with him and therefore have an appetite. If only he'd be a rubbish boyfriend, well, I'd be as skinny as a rake. The only successful dieting method I've ever know has been the Rubbish Relationship/Break-up diet. 

I'm really enjoying my body at the moment. I suppose I realise what a hard time I've given it: ridiculous stress levels, smoking, drinking and way too much fast food, all with no exercise. Despite the punishment, I have only niggling health issues: hayfever, a growing lactose intolerance, sinusitis etc. I feel really quite sexy and bouncy. So, I'm tempted to ignore the numbers on the scales.

But then, I've been thinking about what my body needs from me. I have a dodgy knee and an interesting lower back. Therefore, not carrying around the extra 21lbs will make a heck of a difference to my comfort. Obviously, if I'm stronger and fitter, it will contribute to my comfort levels.

The thing is, I like eating food that's high in fats. I love my carbs. Butter, double cream, olives, pizza, pasta...om nom nom. Those foods make me happy inside. Bring on the creamy, cheesey sauce and pour it all over. Oh yeah baby. Crisps? Why yes, I'd love some, thank you. There are some desserts where I'd walk out of the house naked for: creme brûlée, Eton Mess.... I like my food.

People in the wellness industry talk about having a healthy relationship with food and a healthy body image. The closest to sensible I've read has been Paul McKenna with I can Make you Thin. He says to eat when you're hungry and whatever you eat, really want to eat it and stop when you're full. To me that's sound advice for developing a better relationship with food. Especially if you comfort eat, or use food to try and deal with chaos and pain.

One thing I've learnt within the personal development world, is there isn't only one way. There are many. And people who tell you that only their way works are trying to sell you snake oil. I'm going to read up on the GI diet and see what feels right for me. Happily, Lawrence being a food scientist means I can sanity check things. I figure being aware of what I eat and balancing out the stuff I really want to eat with healthy foods and exercising regularly will help my body do the things I ask of it.