Life as a journey

It's funny, I'm 44, technically (statistically) I'm at the mid-point in my life. I lost the first 20 years of my life growing up, doing school things, leaving home. The last 24 years has been a bit of a mish-mash really as I managed to fly in the face of any kind of life-stage planning. I really did things in a mixed up manner: left home, got a job, got married, had Boy, started a degree, got divorced, finished degree, got a job, hated job, started a degree, got a job.

My work in marketing at Insight has been the longest I've ever worked anywhere and it's fast getting to the point whereby I'll have been there longer than I was married! The only constant in my adult life has been Boy. The flat was a constant for 15 years and I'm not at all sorry to be shot of it. I'm only sorry I didn't get shot of it when I first moved out, I could have used the money to invest in another property. But there you go. It's easy to say that in hindsight. I obviously wasn't ready to let it go at that point. I still had romantic illusions about it as a home. I can't wait for it to be sold. I've been told that's likely to be in 3-4 weeks time. I don't see it myself, but it will go. That's all that matters right now. It will go. 

Driving home today, I realised I'm quite excited about the future. I'm looking forward to next year, even though it's a big, blank sheet of paper. I think that's why I'm so excited. I don't know the way Life will unfold, it's just a bud right now.

2014 sucked arse. It really did. It's got another few weeks before it permanently buggers off, to bite me again, but I'm keeping it on a short leash with a stick close to hand. I think about that amazing New Year party we went to and how I felt...you'd think with such a great start the year would have been awesome. But no. 

On the whole, I have few regrets, remarkably few experiences that make me cringe. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, that's not a bad thing at all. Especially since I'm not going to get a do-over.

I attacked my monobrow this afternoon. The magnifying mirror might be a necessity for tackling the caterpillar above my nose, but it doesn't half show off the wrinkles and parts of my skin that are struggling with gravity. It seems I'm no longer 21. Who'd have thought eh? Hah!

As the years go by, I realise how comfortable I am being me. I don't have a typical Life Path and I certainly couldn't cope with it, even if I'd have had a serious opportunity to do Normal. In fact, I'm not sure what "normal" is anymore. Perhaps there are some "normal" people out there...I bet they don't blog.

Anyway, after having spent the majority of my day writing, I'm going to blitz my soup and see if anyone wants to share. I don't intend to get dressed tomorrow, therefore, if you don't like onesies, don't call round!

July 2014 - an update

If you've been keeping up with my lack of shenanigans on Facebook, you'll know the last month has been a bit of a trial for me. Got side-swiped by a virus, that behaved like a weird stalker ex-boyfriend by refusing to go away; the lack of movement during this time has buggered both my back and wrist. 

In other words, any blog post I might write starts "whinge, whine, moan..." 

Therefore, I fall back on blogging with bullet points:

• Dave's coffee business is now up and running
• It is a lot of fun
• The equipment is really heavy (coffee machine alone is 65kg)
• The coffee is really good
• I'm the cashier/order taker and I wipe up mess every 3 seconds which drives the barista absolutely nuts, but keeps everything clean
• It's bloody hard work
• I really hope my gym membership is tax deductible, because if I am to continue working with him in this business, I must become much, much stronger.

• It is the season of weddings
• We were doing coffee at a wedding yesterday and it was fab
• Boy and I will go off in a couple of weeks to celebrate The Viking and his lovely's wedding
• I am really looking forward to it
• I know they will continue to be a very happy couple and be very good for each other.

• Rummy is totally bonkers
• Boy continues to claim Rummy is a dick
• He rushes outside to break up the many fights Rummy has with his doppelgänger neighbour, Rocky
• Boy is still pleased when Rummy comes to sit next to him
• In the morning, after I given him breakfast and made myself a cup of coffee, Rummy comes to sit on my lap until he gets too hot.

• I miss running and I miss the gym
• I miss that feeling of accomplishment after a workout or a run, even if it wasn't the best
• I'm going down to the gym this morning to book myself into some yoga sessions to try and free up my back
• It's nuts how much ground I have lost in such a few weeks
• My body has made it very clear it needs to move
• Finding the balance will be the challenge from here on in
• Finding the balance is always a challenge for a person who naturally enjoys extremes.

• Summer should be my best time of year, given I love warm weather
• With my hayfever, sinusitis and increased vulnerability to bugs at this time of year, I now perceive Autumn and Winter completely differently
• I was much healthier last Winter, despite the cold and the bugs flying around the office
• I will be doing a lot of research into allergies and sinusitis for next year
• The Lovely Ursus gave me a light bulb moment when she reminded me this is my tough time.

• I suspect I have become vain in my old age
• Urban Decay make up is now my drug of choice
• I had several oops moments in their counter
• I have now more eye shadows than Pantone have colours
• Some are sparkly, some shimmery and some are barely there
• I haven't decided on a "look" yet, it's all down to mood right now
• In fact, it's all down to mood. I'm sure there's a deeper meaning to my current obsession, I don't much care to think too deeply about it
• Eyebrows continue to be the bane of my existence
• However, I'm beginning to get the hang of them
• I no longer look continually cross or surprised (unless I'm cross or surprised), which I'm counting as progress.

• My finances are challenging
• Thanks to new government regulations, I am unable to consolidate my debt to a cheaper monthly payment
• I have way too much fun with cash
• I tell myself, this is a learning experience
• When I finally clear my debt, I won't be so quick with my credit card
• That was until Friday when I went to the Urban Decay counter
• It's time for me to think outside my financial box.

• I'm in my fourth decade and I haven't begun another degree
• It worries me
• I did my BA in Development Studies in my 20s
• I did my BA in Creative Writing in my 30s
• My 40s stretch in front of me and I'm not sure what to learn next
• Not that I can afford another degree
• But I am beginning to think about it.

Considering I didn't know what to write, I think I've done quite well...

That's all for now folks. Catch you later...

Settling In and Austerity Measures

Before you ask: no, the curtains still aren't up.  Both Ponita and LX have kindly offered to help put up curtain poles. I'm still waiting for them to turn up. Given they are both far more practical than I, their help would be more than appreciated. But I tell myself, I have 2 degrees, all I have to do is follow the instructions and take my time. I can do this.

It's getting to the point where I begin to wonder whether it's safe to write a To Do List again. After writing one at the beginning of June, I didn't dare write anymore because it scared me so badly.

*deep breath*

I am in now. That's all that matters. It's a bit messy still. I've got bags and DIY bits everywhere. It gets tidy and then there's another job to do and it gets messy. And then, I want to eat, Boy wants to shower and it's messy with life and DIY. I'll get it done. It's getting in the way, because in the midst of this, I am aware that the move was part of  a Plan. Now that's been implemented it's time to kick off the rest of it. I'm not sure I'm ready for the rest of it with all these little, niggly jobs waiting, accusing me.

Of course my back has thrown a wobbly. Then I realised, with the current layout of my front room, I am pushed for floor space for my exercise DVDs. If I'm canny, I'll be able to manage the Davina workouts, but the Yogalates for my back is going to be a little more interesting. If I am to get back to Davina, my back must improve first. It's got the potential to be a vicious circle. Yes, I could do classes and drop in sessions in the city. But they cost money I don't have right now. I'll find a way to make it work.

Speaking of costing money. I'm on a massive spending cut. I've been shaving money off my day to day bills. In the most part, I've been successful. But now the bills for getting the flat ready for us and the house ready for tenants are trickling in. Money is like time in that the time I thought it would take to get everything ready...I had to multiply that by 2.5. I don't know how I could have done it by spending less. 

It doesn't matter. I'm in now. I have the money now. When I pay for everything, I won't have much in reserve. But at least I will have some reserve. Moving in here was definitely the right thing to do financially. The flat is much, much cheaper to run than the house. One of the things I will do in September is prepare a budget. I will wait till then, to get all the interim bills out of the way. I promised myself a pamper - get hair, nails and a facial. I will have the final part of that done next week.

I am learning to implement austerity measures. It occurs to me that I am a very, very lucky woman. I have a great foundation here. Yes, I've got the moving bills to pay, but I know if I am canny, I can still have a pretty good time, for not a lot of money. I think I am doing pretty well so far. It will be interesting to see how much more I can do. 

There are a couple of things I know are still left to purchase: Boy's bedroom curtains and rails, a new pair of jeans to replace the ones which are currently covered in paint. But apart from that, there isn't really anything I really need. Buying food and other things, I have made fast friends with Sainsbury's Basics range and I don't buy much meat any more. With more canny thinking, I am sure there are further savings to be made.

Right, I'm going to crack on. The plan is to get these jobs jobbed (as we say in Norfolk) and then work on stirring up some inspiration so I have something to write!

Go-Go-Go

The title describes my last 3 days. I'm exhausted. I've never been so grateful to get to Sunday evening and looking forward to Monday.

Friday
Swimming with Bea. We had to meet a bit earlier because I was due to go to the dentist. That was the theory. The reality was: my internal speed was set to 'slow' and I had to text her to say yet again, I was going to be late.

We got to the swimming pool and it was filled with vintage swimmers and the pool was cold. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against vintage swimmers apart from the fact that they were twice my age and swimming twice as fast as I could manage.  Bea and I agreed we'd do 10 lengths and head for coffee and cake.

I then had to make a dash for the dentist. He's very pleased with the orthodontal work. Nine months has passed and I've probably got another 10 months to go. I can't wait. When the brackets come off I'm treating myself to a thorough clean and a whitening session. Yes, I will have the Hollywood Smile.

Saturday
Boy's furniture, ordered at the end of December was due for delivery 'in the morning'. Now, I don't know about you, but my experience of waiting in for a delivery has usually run along the lines of:

Them: we'll be there in the morning.

Me: what time?

Them: between 8am and 1pm.

Me: can't you be more specific?

Them: no.

Me (ringing at 1.30 to find out where the fuck they'd got to): where are you? How long will you be? I have a life/job/stuff to get on with.

Them: we're right around the corner. Be with you in half an hour.

Me (ringing at 4.30 to find out where the fuck they'd got to): where are you?

Them: no answer.

Me (ringing Customer Services the next day to complain): I lost a days' work because of your scandalous service.

Them: blah, blah, blah. Stop being such a difficult woman.

You get the picture. Anyway, I was fast asleep at 8.05 when my mobile phone rang. It was the Delivery Men. They were half an hour away. I was dressed and told Boy to get his act together when there was a knock at the door at 8.20. By 9 am they'd brought all the furniture in and carried it up the stairs. They drank their hot drinks, we'd had a nice chat and off they went with the remains of one of Boy's defunct bits of furniture. I thought there was going to more flat packing than was actually required. The Boy and his two friends assembled his new bed with little swearing or First Aid.

I'm not good with Chaos. I realised I was being a Stressed Bunny and unnecessarily stressing the teenage contingent with my Cowbaggedness. So I fled to Gee's for a cuppa for an hour. She calmed me down and patted my head.

I then dashed back to make sure I was presentable for my lunch with Z. I had to make sure I looked the part of a Lady wot Lunches (otherwise, she'd never come again). In the midst of me putting on my slap there was the knock at the door. Note to Self: when inviting someone into the bedroom, ensure the pile of laundry is in the laundry basket.

Gee introduced me to The Mulberry not so long ago and I thought it would be the perfect place for lunch. The food is great and reasonably priced. And most importantly, they serve my favourite cider.

Z is fantastic fun. We gossiped, laughed, ate and drank. I can't believe how quickly the time went. Had it not been for my next visitor, The Viking, arriving, I would have insisted she stay for longer. Note to Self: next time, get some appropriate nibbles in for the evening leg of the visit.

The Viking looks great. We haven't seen each other for a couple of years, so there was much to catch up on. We embarked on the world's slowest pub crawl. It took us 5 hours to do 3 establishments. We had a lovely dinner at 103 in the midst of consuming alcohol.

Remaining friends with someone you've been in a relationship with is highly rewarding. There's another human being out there who knows you well, loves you to bits and spending time with them is so easy and more importantly, fun. The friendship after the relationship means to me, that the relationship wasn't a waste of time. The connection endures. It's good.

The Viking went off early this afternoon. I've been feeling very fragile and undermotivated since then. I have 5 piles of laundry to do, and no, I'm not likely to do it now. I will do one load, simply because I think it's only right to wear clean clothes to work. I like people to stand next to me without the need to pinch their noses. But apart from that, I may do my nails, I will definitely indulge in murder and mayhem.