Because Life...

It is the end of 2015 and I look back at the last few months, the word count on my novel still woefully short, the aches and pains returned, the poems unwritten and the pictures unpainted. It would be easy for me to be discouraged at all the things that are left undone. And yet as I type this, Boy is stretched out on the sofa watching Samurai Jack, my chickens are exploring a neighbouring field and there is sunshine.

Life happened over the autumn, there were too many funerals. Then Dave and his left kidney started arguing again. Rather than their usual spats that we've got used to, this is far more serious. Like all toxic relationships, it's taking time to unravel. He has initiated final divorce proceedings and we are waiting to hear whether it's mediation or if it's to go to Decree Absolute. Frankly, I'm tired of their arguments. But we will hear by the end of the week. 

I think it's fair to say I lost the plot temporarily. But that's okay, shit happens (even if most of it was in my head), I rode it out. It occurs to me that I am good at making Plans, but not so great at seeing them through. The Plans mock me as I deal with the shit Life throws up. 

But isn't that the point? 

It isn't the fact that I get thrown off the pony that matters. All that matters is that I pick myself up again and get back on. That I keep getting up again. 

The end of the year is the perfect time to have a good look at what worked and what didn't. To revisit my goals and objectives. To ask "what do I want?"

The answer to that is *more*

I want more words added to my novel.

I want more economic activity.

I want more hours spent lifting in the gym.

I want more poems read and written.

I want more paintings painted.

I want more more miles run and cycled.

I want more emotional and physical resilience. 

I want more boundaries between myself and the situations that encroach on my head.

I want more activity in social justice.

Then, there is the *less*

I want less financial insecurity.

I want less self-sabotage.

I want less of the key-board warrior I've become.

I want less of my judgemental self.

I want less of other people's drama.

As I type this, I realise that even if I only manage half of the things on either list, I'll be doing well. I can keep taking my small steps and I'll get there. Wherever "there" is.

Are you making any wishlists for 2016? Want to share?

Comments

  1. Life always seems to throw something up to get in the way of itself. You'd think it would have learned by now, but alas not...
    Still, as someone once said, "It's the journey rather than the destination that matters" or somesuch, so I suppose it doesn't matter how big or small the steps you take are, or how many there are, either?
    So, may your 2016 travels get you what you want and need, more or less (heh!). Happy New Year!

    P.S. I'm not making any wishlists as I'll only manage to be cross with myself for being a lazyarse at the end of 2016!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm trying to take that "journey" thing to heart. But the whole "destination" as the goal is hard to get rid of.

      And fair enough if your wishlist starts with no wishes! (tee hee)

      xxx

      Delete
  2. It's ok to have plans; goals & directions keep us focused on what's important & make the most of the time we have.

    And it's ok when plans don't work; because life is unpredictable, & that's what makes it interesting & enjoyable at times. True, there will be challenges & hardship. But you know that what does not kill you makes you stronger, & how rise & overcome the struggles & suffering is a testament to your resilience, resourcefulness, & radiance.

    We are all made of stars, and stars shine in the darkness, to guide and give life to world and beyond.

    So you keep shining & you live life as best you can. You matter, & you do have an effect on those who come in contact with you.

    Cheers to a wonderful new year full of peace & joy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Darling, please come back and blog again regularly. I miss your quiet wisdom so much.

      Thank you for your kind words and know I hope that 2016 brings you good health, love, prosperity and fun! xxx

      Delete
  3. Well, having now shredded 70 calendars, I think I may be getting more of a handle on this Life business.
    So I'm going to give up the self-introspection-it's a time thief. And I might write more.Or not.
    I WILL pause, breathe deeply and try not to allow cretinous leaders and wannabes ruin what's left of my time.
    In short? I'll continue to pop in at interesting places, shamelessly borrow from the good and do my best to avoid the bad.
    Wish lists and resolutions? Hell, no! I gave up that malarkey long ago.Like IDV, I'm a bit of a lazy-arse. Happy New Year, Roses. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's for more writing from you in 2016 then! And no wishes on your wishlist!

      Happy New Year to you darling.
      xxx

      Delete
  4. Wishing you every success in 2016!

    I have to make the same resolution every year — to be less whiny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you darling. I will do my best.

      As I don't ever think you're whiny, you always nail your resolution to the shed door!

      xxx

      Delete
  5. Wishing you all the more and all the less in 2016 and forever, darling Roses!! Happy Holidays to you, Dave (and hoping to a good resolution to his dispute with his kidney), Rummy, Boy and all the chucks!!! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you lovely lady. Big love to you Pips and Lila.
      xxx

      Delete
  6. Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  7. By and large I don't want more of anything, I'm quite happy with enough. And at the moment I do have enough of all the things I value in life. Wanting more would just stress me out trying to get the more. I have enough money, I have a house (un-mortgaged), I have a wonderful partner, I have an interesting job, I have music and books and films. That'll do me fine, thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww....that's lovely Nick.

      HNY 2016 to you anyway!
      xx

      Delete
  8. Happy New Year!!! And I hope Dave is okay.
    Whatever you do, enjoy it!!
    Sxxxx

    ReplyDelete

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