Dusting Myself Off

Hi! Remember me? I used to blog here regularly. Well, I think I've fallen off so many horses recently it's got beyond a joke. Last week, I had to take some time out and have a proper think about things. Not small things like laundry or shoes or eyeliner. But big things - what do I want to do when I grow up?

That was not the first time I have asked myself that particular question. I suspect I will ask it again many times before I leave this earth. Again, I found myself coming back to my place of creativity, of writing. I haven't written anything since last summer that hasn't been work related; and my intermittent blogging...well, it became more and more intermittent.

I had put my head down, put all thoughts of writing to one side and went to work. The problem is simply, it's not who I am. I can do it in short bursts. Certainly, I am so blessed that the people I work with are actually prepared to put up with me. I must be the world's biggest pain in the arse for them - wafting in and around. But the fact of the matter is, I am never going to manage being a full time anything. I require flexibility and creativity.

I have come to terms with the fact I am going to die a very poor woman. I console myself with the fact that I will have a lot of fun along the way.

Getting back on the Exercise Horse, has not been so painless (if you can call the process of giving up 2 days work to write, painless). My physical activities in May petered out to the point of disappearing. All of my previous physical niggles started to creep in again. My back, my knee, my shoulders. I got myself moving again.

Let me tell you, the biggest lesson I've learnt in the last 6 weeks is: it is much harder to start up again, than to notch the intensity down.

I am not beating myself up about it; there would be no benefit in doing so. I know why I paused and I've learnt my lesson. I am going to take every step I can, not make that mistake again.

Part of the mistake I made was to 'exercise'. I bailed out of doing the City of Norwich Half Marathon in November because I wasn't at all confident I would be fit or strong enough to run it, without serious risk of injury. It seems I am more motivated to 'train'. I need a reason to exercise beyond the 'it's good for me'. Over the weekend, I signed up to run the Wroxham 5k in the middle of July. This Saturday, I will take part in the Norwich parkrun to set my first bench mark. I know my time will be rubbish. I know it'll be a miracle if I don't kill myself. I will be walking bits of it. It doesn't matter.

If I am to eat regularly, I have to rethink my writing activities. That's what today is all about. I'm getting back on this horse and I'm going to ride this sucker until we both drop dead from exhaustion. 

The difference now is the exercise has taught me self-discipline and to put my motivation in action. Perhaps I am still unable to set clear goals as per NLP structures, but I'm all about the moving in the general direction. 

I really do hope I'm moving in the general direction of Financial Sustainability...

Comments

  1. When I knew my cycling helped my hip (and meant I didn't have to walk, which was painful), I got on my bike nearly every day. Now, I can't be bothered very often, which is silly because my other hip isn't brilliant - but that's not enough incentive. So I see what you mean - yet I've also managed to keep the weight off, so I do have enough incentive there. Vanity, that's called.
    Seems to me that the trick with the writing will be to keep it creative and not a job, even when it brings in an income and has deadlines. But I think that the excitement of earning from creative writing will carry you through there.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi Z, it's exactly that! Finding the right button to push for motivation and sticking with it.

      I hope so. I suppose I know through work, I'm perfectly capable of writing on dry subjects, but the thought of being able to write what I want is so delicious...

      Delete
  2. Hey Roses! You've captured my mood perfectly - shuffling in the right direction generally is an acceptable alternative to doing nothing. I've barely written since my book came out, but have been keeping creatively happy in other ways. Now, if I can just find a job that needs me three days a week but pays five, with six weeks off a year... SEE YOU SATURDAY! Indigo x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think after a big project, it's normal to want to have a breather.

      If you ever find that job, make sure you need an able co-worker!

      I'm really looking forward to the Blog Party.
      xx

      Delete
  3. Getting back on any horse requires effort, but as long as you're not on a Thoroughbred bolting down the track, a steady amble on good old Daisy is the best way to keep that sustainability going.

    Just do your best on Saturday. Your time makes no difference. That you get out there and do it, does. That's all that counts. You go, Girl!! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think Daisy is just what I need right now. A thoroughbred would just freak me out.

    It's really hot right now over here and I didn't have a chance to acclimatise properly (taking the month off when the weather was warming up), so I'm struggling right now. When I told Dave about my heart rate during my run, he looked really worried. Since then I set myself a limit and I've refused to push myself past that.

    Thanks darling. I'll let you know how it goes.

    Massive hugs to you darling. xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes, doing things in short bursts is better than not doing anything at all. And better than overdoing it and getting injured. Good luck with the trial run on Saturday.

    I hope you find a writing idea that gives you the motivation you need.

    And yes, I also assume I'll die poor, having had a lot of fun. But who knows, I might even get lucky and inherit a huge wad of cash.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Nick. I'm really looking forward to the run. It's going to be great, whatever my time.

      I've got loads of ideas on the go, I'm just trying to whittle them down into two piles: fun to write and get paid to write.

      Fortunately, my funeral plan has already been paid up in full. I'm good to go, though hopefully, Boy won't have to worry about that for a long, long time.

      Delete
  6. Hey Aunty,
    Its nice to read another great one. I am glad you are going after your fitness goals and following your passion for writing. Love and blessings always.
    Luke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Luke

      It's good to be back. It feel great to be writing and blogging again too.

      Talk soon
      xxxxx

      Delete
  7. What's that "steady income" you phantasise about, darling ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know...I know.

      I think Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny look after it!

      Delete
  8. You've never stopped writing. Think about it. You write every single day. You think, you edit, you choose the most expressive word. That is writing. You've got the machine up and running and didn't even realize it. Dead serious. I've quit for months at a time. Nothing. Sign my name on a receipt and that was it. No matter what your reason, motivation, personal angst, external pressure, you have written and communicated ideas to a public Every. Single. Day. Think on that one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're absolutely right. I have written emails, articles on pensions and equity release...

      It's just not the same...

      Delete
  9. ...also HEY MAGO HIT ME UP ON FACEBOOK UNDER THE NAME FirstNations Bobations . I miss you and your mysterious, compelling Franconian ass!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What she said Herr Mago! Come to the Facebook side. Bwahahahahaha!

      Delete
  10. Whatever you may think, FirstNations is right. You have been writing. It may not e what you want to be doing but it is moving that pen across the page (either real or metaphorical)

    Congratulation on coming to terms with your true self. You may not be on a Sunday Times Rich List but you won't be making yourself miserable and ill. You may even be amazed at what does become possible now you've acknowledged this. I'm always very proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has been your successes that spurred me on! Hearing your great news made me come back to my creativity.

      You are my idol. I so respect all the hard work you have put in and I enjoy every text I get! You rock. xx

      Delete
  11. I ripped my shoulder doing press ups a couple of months ago. Still hurts like hell... and I was adding extra press ups each day in a gradual manner. I've taken it easy since and wish I hadn't gotten obsessed about shapely arms. I should have taken up baking instead.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am impressed. I still can't do them! Though I really am sorry to hear you've hurt your shoulder. That sucks.

      The trouble with baking is your whisking arm would be massive. Unless you decide to make a lot of bread...

      Delete

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