Autumn Equinox - All Change

It is the Autumn Equinox, the second harvest festival and the time when it's clear The Wheel of the Year is turning towards winter. We are on a waning moon that brings endings, darkness and is used to banish unwanted influences, situations and people in spell work.

Yesterday, was my dad's birthday. Particularly poignant given his sister, my aunt, who was such an influence throughout my childhood passed away on Friday. 

Yesterday, I took my son to university.

So if I say the weekend was a bit of a wringer, you'll understand it's not an understatement.

However, it's all good.

At the last minute, I decided to try to book a room for the night in Lincoln. I figured it would take the pressure off and would mean Dave and I wouldn't have to worry so much about the return journey. It was a good plan. Unfortunately, a plan that every other parent dropping their child off also had the foresight to make. In the end I could only find a room in a guest house in the middle of nowhere, or Ragnall as it's otherwise known. 

I insisted we had an early start. Ladies and Gentlemen, you know I am not a morning person. I struggle if there are two 6 o'clocks in one day. Yesterday, there were two 4 o'clocks. We ended up waking up well before time. It meant we were on our way by 7 am. I'm so grateful Dave was with us. He teased and comforted me as needed. He understood and didn't judge. Damn, I'm a lucky woman.

Our journey was interesting to say the least. We had an encounter with the EDL tour bus in the Swaffham McDonalds. Made far more amusing by the fact one of their bright sparks kept pulling the Push door. Yes, we've all done it; but not 5 or 6 times while swearing the door was locked! It's hard to be intimidated by people who have balloon fights and tie said balloons to their minivan.

Boy appreciated the early start when he was pretty much established and unpacked by 1 o'clock. We had lunch together, did the compulsory food shop and then said goodbye. I suspect university life is going to come hard for Boy - he's in a great room - two and a half times the size of his bedroom in the flat, he's sharing with 4 pretty girls and a nice guy, he's pretty much in the middle of Lincoln, on the river and within spitting distance of the university. I hope he enjoys it as much as he can. It's such a hardship! Fingers crossed the course suits and engages him.

Coming back to the Flat this afternoon was hard. I wasn't really an adult until after I had Boy. I was married young, had him, then divorced and, well, never really alone whether I was in a relationship or not. I was a mum. He lived with me. We had an intense relationship. Now he's off. He's flown the nest. Exactly as it needs to be. I would be troubled if he felt he couldn't leave home now. I am so proud of him. 

I kept on saying to him 'I'm a phone call away', 'I can be with you in hours if you need' and 'you can come home at any time.' Thankfully, he understood I wasn't saying that because I doubted his ability to cope. On the contrary, I know he'll be totally fine. More than fine. 

This is all new territory for me. I'm an adult by myself now. Life is going to be what I make of it, without the limitations of my responsibilities to him. It's exciting, scary and wonderful all at once. I am excited, scared and in awe of the Life before me. It's all good. Even if my heart hurts so.