Dressing the Mormon Way

Every year the Mormons descend on Carrow Road for their big get-together East Anglian style. Riverside becomes swamped in freshly scrubbed, suited men and their women of all ages, shapes and sizes.

I was dragged out of my home, kicking and screaming by the Great Ursus who has decided to 'look after me' in my time of need (I am more and more coming to understand the comfort of agraphobia and am considering lining it up as my next neuroses, but he's not having any of it. *mutter, mutter*).

So, we're driving past Carrow Road and there are the throngs of freshly scrubbed Mormons and I was struck by the thought, when exactly does the Dowdy Fairy come visiting? As you know, I'm looking at my 40th in a matter of months and I'm just wondering whether being Pagan is protection enough against her wily ways.

When do polyester, A-line, pleated, paisely skirts start to look good on a hanger? Especially coupled with flat shoes and frilly blouses?

The younger women, in their long flower printed skirts, are lovely, but next to them are their mothers, because families that pray together, stay together. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of long skirts, they hide a multitude of sins and are cooler in hot weather. But, any woman who grew up in the 60s and 70s, there's really no excuse for it. Or is it the religion? Along with the many wives, at middle age, out go vibrant colours and in comes lilac and baby blue (both of which should never, ever be put together, especially if one has reddy tones).

I know this isn't particularly Politically Correct of me, but quite frankly, the Editor-in-my-Head is off on holiday. Any hate mail, make it interesting 'burn in hell' isn't going to cut it. And besides, I already know I'm not going to Heaven, I won't know anyone there.


  1. I know what you mean about dowdy outfits. I often wonder when I will turn into one of those frumpy older women. Then I look at my mother, who for a woman of a certain age dresses quite trendy without looking like she's trying to be young. I then think about the people I know that I've always thought 'I so want to be you when I'm older' and I realize I will never be the frumpy one. I hope that i will grow old disgracefully and be the eccentric offbeat older lady and I was hoping you'd be joining me there!

    By the way the Carrow Road brand of clean suited people are Jehovah's Witnesses not Mormans. The Morman suits are more expensive!

  2. I suspect the distinction you're attempting to describe, is the one that most males would describe as the difference between "phwor" and "phew"...

    As a testosterone-fuelled raving male chauvinist myself, (oh ok, a rapidly ageing man with a few remaining macho pretensions ... sulk), I can assure you, (providing the graduation photo is still a fairly accurate guideline), you still fall very much in the former category...

    I wonder if actually the difference is the result of a state of mind...In other words if a woman begins to FEEL either indifferent or frumpy, she begins to look that way...this would tie in with the message the otherwise dreadful Gok Wan often seems to be putting across...

    What really makes me wonder that is, I suppose, my late Mother in Law, (in her time, by the photos, a stunningly beautiful lady)...who I first knew at about 60, and who never (until her final illness) lost that "Wow" factor...sexiest and most intensely feminine woman I ever knew, right into her eighties...

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  4. Maybe you should take them under your wing and guide them to the make-up counter at Jarrolds. Imahine the fun corruption can provide.

  5. curious ~ good to know it's not just me being bitchy. We will continue to be fabulous.

    By the way, it was you who got me into co-ordinating my outer-wear with my underwear. You set me on the path to fabulousness. I thought they were Mormons...I stand corrected.

    cogidubnus ~ yeah, I'm not a fan of Gok Wan either. He's too smug for my liking, but more bearable than Trinny & Susanah.

    hottie ~ to be honest, they'd be the sort who would be worrying about their husbands and their babies 'what would they think'. I'm looking for guilt-free corruption.


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