Calvin Klein ~ CKIN2U

This is my favourite of the new fragraces released over the spring. The blurb goes a bit like this: 'CK IN2U, a fragrance duo inspired by the connected generation "expressing its freedom thanks to new technologies"'. It goes on to describe the fragrance as: 'notes of pink grapefruit, bergamot, currant leaves, sugared orchid accord, white cactus, neon amber, vanilla souffle and red cedar'. It is partially laziness which has led to me cutting and pasting, but also I am falling in love with their PR's bullshitese. Especially since the people who have ended up buying this from me today all tended to be in their 30s and 40s - not the intended young, hip'n'groovy demographic.

Two of my colleagues were in London being trained up yesterday. I now know that when applying perfume, doing the wrist rub and spraying on your neck is a complete no-no. Rubbing the fragrance breaks down the constituents, disrupts the way it's supposed to smell and causes the fragrance to fade too quickly. Instead, one should spray your wrists separately, spray the perfume into the scallops between your shoulders and neck. Don't spray it onto your neck because the skin is very delicate there and the alcohol in the perfume can lead to wrinkles, sagging and general unpleasantness long term. If you find a fragrance you like, but when you put it on your skin, people are asking where you've hidden the dead cat, spray on the outer layer of your clothes. Also, don't put behind your ears, because ears get oily and it'll distort the fragrance. Apparently, a fragrance can be affected by your diet, hormonal changes and stress levels.

Today has been a touch stressful. The League of Shoplifters decided to come a-calling and tried to walk off with our profits. Fortunately, my colleagues are less trusting and more on the ball than I, and they got security to catch their dishonest asses. One lad was very apologetic and gave a practised puppy dog look and kept apologising, which worked until he was searched. He'd stopped off at a few other retail outlets before ours. Pops always said to me that when considering theft as a viable option, you need to consider the consequences of getting caught. Is it worth the hassle of being nicked, the fines/court appearance and doing time? Had the lad used this equation, nicking £40 worth of fragrance is going to turn into at least £80 worth of hassle. Also, if he was going to sell it black market-like, if he saw a tenner for his trouble he would have been lucky.

The only crime I thought 'yeah, I'd have risked it' was a city heist where a woman and her partner embezzled £21 million in the late 80s. Well, they say everyone has their price, now you know you'll never be able to trust me with more than £20 million.