Dressing to Kill

This conversation happened on the way back from town with Britswitch, and for some reason it has stayed with me. I'm in my mid(ish) 30s and Britswitch is late 20s and we were bemoaning the state of women's dress, or rather the lack thereof. After awhile I realised that I had turned into my grandmother.

My grandmother was born in the last century. She lived through two world wars, a poorly husband and four children. She lived by herself until she decided she'd had enough and in two weeks said her farewells, then died peacefully in her early 90s. She was a woman with impecable manners, amazing compassion and very clear views on the roles of men and women. That both my niece and I bear her name is a testament to the affection in which our family holds her.

She believed that women should dress modestly to the point where she could just about put up with my wearing shorts. She did not approve of nakedness, as she called it, in men or women. My brother or father going about without shirts was cause for tutting, though she did understand that it was necessary for doing manual labour in the hot tropical sun.

And this is where I am suffering from theory inconsistency. See, I believe that the human body is a beautiful thing, whether female or male. I am very much hetrosexual, but I do enjoy the sight of a beautiful woman walking by. But I really don't want to see all of it. At once. Groups of women wearing bikini tops and belts tottering around on chopstick heels, makes me channel my grandmother. At her best/worst she would tut and say 'they are asking for it'.

At the time, fired up by teenage rebellion and feminism I used to argue with her. 'Asking for what?' Women should be able to wear what they want, have a good time with their friends without fear of rape. My grandmother would look at me from the wisdom of her years and change the subject. I still believe this. Absolutely.

But I'm also beginning to believe she was right. There was a report issued by the police recently, I can't remember when or what it was called, but basically it looked into the phenomena of date rape. Contrary to popular belief, the most common drug used in date rape, is alcohol. A shocking percentage of women were so off their heads, they couldn't remember having sex, much less giving consent.

I find this shocking. So much so that Boy has had to put up with me lecturing him: a 'yes' from a drunk woman means 'no', put her down and take her home. He looks across at me, nods and points out he doesn't have a girlfriend. I believe in being a realistic parent. My job is to prepare him for the life that is to come, not the life I wish it would be.

And therein lies the problem that I have with this debate. Rape and sexual abuse are heinious crimes that are impossible to bring to justice (that's another rant for another day), I believe the effects never really wear off. I do wish we lived in a world where women could walk the streets wearing nothing but sparkles, drinking as much as they liked, without fear, but I would rather they were sober and safe.