Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Spring has Sprung

Driving home tonight I realised that it was just Dusk! After months of driving home in the pitch black, it brought such a smile. While putting out the wheelie bin I admired the bunches of daffs braving the chilly morning. It has been such a relief to not wake up to ice crystals coating every bloody surface. I don't know about you, but I have had quite enough of the bloody winter.

It's a strange time all round and while things seem to be progressing satisfactorily in many things, it's happening at a glacial pace. And as we all know, patience has never been my virtue. Ever.

It's been about a month into my regime change and I lost 7lb. Unfortunately, I did too much too soon and managed to put my system into complete shock, so I had to cut things back again and I've gained 2lb. However, as I am now progressing onto the Davina McColl set of workouts which are far more demanding, I am believing a colleague who said it was muscle, not fat. With my dodgy knee, I have been trying not to push things too fast and so far, touch wood, it's been fine. I've realised I can't bear doing any more than half an hour's worth of exercise, so I'm going to stick with that, and as my energy levels increase I'll do more stuff in the evenings.

Speaking of which, I am really quite surprised at the difference the exercise and change of diet has been making to me. It shows in odd ways: like the fact that you can actually see the floor in my bedroom. The piles of laundry have now gone. I am now also a little bit more organised with my admin. Once a week I sort through my post, shred and recycle things and sort things out as necessary. While it may not look more sorted, trust me, it is.

In some ways, I also feel more perky and flirty. Which led to a guy, a rather cute guy, after several encounters say to me that he'd call. That in itself was fine. While I know I don't need to run things past the Viking, I don't need his permission to have a separate social life now, I did want to be straight with him about it. It certainly was a bit of a weird conversation, but worthwhile. In a way, it reinforced our friendship. In the end though, the guy didn't ring. Boo Hiss. I suspect that wasn't the point. It made me realise that while I'm happy having a flirt, I'm not ready for anything serious, or even light-hearted at the moment. It's enough to feel perky and flirty.

Boy and I continue to go to Salsa. He has started to go to the sessions at the Forum on Monday nights. I'm happy giving that session a miss as I don't like dancing on the cold, hard tiled floor, it hurts my hips and knees. This half-term I've hardly seen him, he's been bumming round Norwich with a gaggle of teens, going to the movies, swimming and to local eateries. I dropped him off and picked him up from Salsa and he was buzzing, he took some mates and by the sounds of things, they had a completely brilliant time.

I love dancing and will groove away quite happily to pretty much anything. I find Salsa a challenge, mainly because I have to let myself be led. And we all know how well I do as I'm told! So being able to give myself up to a man and be led is a big deal and sometimes I'm better at it, than others. I am determined to stick with it because I think it represents a bigger Life Lesson for me.

When I have set ideas about things, I've noticed, they either never go according to plan, or end up completely unsatisfactory, with much angst and gnashing of teeth. In the past few years, the best times have happened when I've given myself up to the moment. My relationship with the Viking proves that point. Therefore, I am trying to not be such a Control Freak all the time. Whether Boy will agree, I'm not sure, but I am trying.

I suspect that's all that matters at the moment, that I keep trying.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Snow (again)

I looked out the window and it snowed during the night. Joy.

It looks that sparkly frozen type which has the potential to be lethal. The Viking says I need to get over it and spend some time doing handbrake turns in an empty car-park. Bless him, he has leant me his copy of Roadcraft - the Police Drive Faster manual. If I wasn't going to salsa tonight, I'd start reading it.

This is a week of frustration. It is filled with 'one step forward, two steps back'. I understand it's caused by the most part by my complete inability to be patient. Changes are coming, but damnit I want them NOW.

I overdid things with my healthy living stuff, and my stomach told me in no uncertain terms how very unhappy it was with me. So, I've had to take things a bit more easy, the result, some of the weight I'd lost reappeared magickally on the scales. *sigh* At least the cramps have dissipated and I can't get off the couch now.

The house sale is sliding towards a wall with no brakes. Conveyancing and the survey have thrown up some issues which I'm not terribly happy about. These issues may turn into a bargaining point, or they may knacker the sale completely. I've not had the time to read the documentation fully, I've taken tomorrow off so I can deal with it properly, but I'm not prepared to make any decisions until I'm better informed. Perhaps I'll have another look around. At the moment, I won't say until I've read the papers and talked to a couple of people.

When I make decisions, I do tend to do so straight from the gut. Making decisions on instinct carries with it certain risks which I'm not sure I'm prepared to pay now. However, making decisions based on the head alone is too cold for me and compromise still seems to be the art of making everyone unhappy. Though, in this case, it'll be me rattling round a house I don't bond with.

*sigh*

I suppose it was too much to ask for, that my life would become more straightforward?

Sunday, February 01, 2009

25 Random Things About Me (Yes it is ALL about me)

1. I love to dance, though I do it with enthusiasm, rather than with technique.
2. I love my Boy to bits, and worry that I'll turn into THAT kind of mother when he leaves home.
3. I loathe and detest housework.
4. I am far more organised at work than I am at home.
5. We will be moving soon (fingers crossed).
6. We won't be taking quite a lot of crap.
7. I love my new car far more than I ever thought was possible, and it just shows how much I need a life.
8. Despite it all, I still have a thing for men in uniform.
9. It's now time to make different mistakes.
10. I have added quite a few entries to my list of Things Not to be Repeated.
11. I am exercising in the morning in my living room, because I can't bear to be seen in public huffing and puffing like this.
12. I think it's a real shame I waited so long to discover the pleasures of being a girlie.
13. I have fallen head over heels in love with perfume.
14. I want to travel more.
15. There are some things I still regret, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wish I had made different choices.
16. There are some things I wish I had done sooner, but I have come to terms with the fact that things take their own time to sort out.
17. There are some things I don't regret, and wouldn't do differently.
18. I wish I was more compassionate, empathetic and patient. I'm not. I'm intolerant, impatient and just wish people would pull their fucking fingers out. (This isn't about you, by the way)
19. This year I am attending to my health and energy levels.
20. I hate, loathe and detest cutsey cards/e-mails/pictures with fuzzy wuzzy animals and luv u forever homilies. No, I'm never going to pass it on to 5 friends and I'm okay with the bad karma.
21. Life only started to make sense when I walked into Inanna's Festival and met H.
22. Paganism is The Path my feet find effortlessly and my heart chants 'I am The Goddess, I am The Mother, all acts of Love and Pleasure are my Ritual' with every step. Even when I have taken a quick sit down.
23. In my darkest hours it has been the kindness of strangers, that have lit my way Home. Some of these strangers have become my closest friends and I worry that they don't know how much I love them and appreciate their continued presence in my life.
24. I am an artist and a writer and if I do neither - I go crazy.
25. I am crazy at the moment and working my way back towards sanity.

Now it's your turn to write 25 things and tag other people and me!