Showing posts from February, 2007

Kitchen Beatbox

Found this trawling Moby's site. This is the best resolution I could find on YouTube, but it is still excellent.


I think I'm in love. Billy Collins has managed to pin down the writer's moment, with a deftness of which I am deeply envious.

Forgetfulness - Billy Collins Animated Poetry

Liked this a lot. Enjoy!

Getting Back into Gear

The last week has been about displacement activity. Which of course didn't work because I knew it was displacement activity and therefore was just another form of denial. Knowing that I was indulging in displacement activity also meant I was feeling guilty about my indulgencies and then led to feeling inadequate because I couldn't stop doing the displacement activities. This has been the interesting little loop of my internal landscape. Frustration.

I'm not convinced I feel any better this week, but I'm back at college. I had my tutorial with my Creative Practice tutor who was really sweet and very supportive. I'm going print out all of the images I've taken on the buses and in Trinidad to show both himself and the other tutor who's been roped in to be the second marker. For my tutorials next week I'll prepare them for a slide show so we can judge the impact of the images.

We had a long chat about how I'm doing and where I'm at in the creative pro…

On the Need to Slap Someone

How am I? Weird. It's probably the only answer that covers how I feel at the moment. This week I've spent quite a lot of money (thank you Visa). I bought a new sofa (Viking-sized), had a facial and today I had my hair coloured and cut (no, it isn't really a pink, short back and sides). These are things that really should be rocking my world. My world is still stationary. After some navel gazing I've come to the conclusion that it's really okay for me to feel weird and the most appropriate response is to be weird and everything will work around it. That way when I do something silly at least I will enjoy it.

This time the title of the post really does relate to the content. It's been a slow re-introduction to life in Norwich. I've pretty much done bugger all. Hung out with Boy while he's cheerfully killed things on the X-Box 360, hacking his way through his cold. I've read a few blogs, waded through my e-mails. The delete button looks a bit worn out a…

Denial - not the river in Egypt

As far as I can make out, not much has changed in Norwich, apart from the chippy down the road changing hands. People seem to be the same. Busy, stressed, working, loving, living. Boy is continuing to be 13, the cat is continuing to be odd. But everything has changed.

I don't know how to write about it without being bleak or depressing. This is actually the third time I've written this paragraph. Despite it all, it isn't really about pain. It's about hope. The realisation that this life we've been given is so precious, that every decision about how we spend our time, ought to be weighed more carefully. Whatever your spiritual leanings, you'll never really know what waits on the other side until the very end. Therefore, it makes sense to live this life well and hope for the best. If it is pointless and death is a void into which we fall and are lost to eternity, then at least these moments spent together will not be wasted time.

I really don't believe this is …


I made it back into Norwich eventually last night. Was reunited with Boy at Gee's, which was lovely. By the way, he lied to me, you will be shocked to discover. He had grown while I was away, despite his reasurrences to the contrary. Humpf. Britwitch has looked after flat, cat and Boy so well, I'm thinking of asking her to move in to look after me as well. Hehehe. Poor woman, she was probably relieved to get back to a less chaotic household. Last night, I went with a caffeine induced burst of energy and unpacked my bags, sorted through the 132 e-mails, and post waiting for me.

What I do find disconcerting is the silence. In Trinidad, there is so much noise. Birds, insects, humans, vehicles. There is very little in the way of wildlife noises round here or traffic. I'm trying to find a way to describe it without descending into cliche and I must confess, I'm struggling.
This morning, despite feeling like I've been running marathons, I'm wide awake and my mind is f…

Final Journey

It never ceases to amaze me, the way life can change in a matter of hours. Or rather, the way life can end in a short space of time.

I had made plans to see my birth father, N, on Thursday. We were going to buy some Chinese food and spend the day with his wife who’s recovering from surgery at his home. His boss decided that morning, he needed him for a fairly important meeting. Which left me at a bit of a loose end. Atlas and Sil were at work. So, I invited myself up to Pops so I could use his PC and internet connection.

The day before, he talked about finishing the radiation treatment. The waiting was driving him nuts. Both Atlas and I agreed if those were his wishes, so be it. The consultant convinced him to keep attending as he only had 6 more sessions. The meds were making him feel weak, giving him insomnia.

He had gone for radiation Thursday morning, but for the first time needed a wheelchair. After a month of only sleeping 2-3 hours, he slept the night before, and after breakfast. …